I may be repeating myself here, but anyhow: If you go to St Peter’s in the Vatican there are metal strips on the floor to indicate where all the other other churches in the world would come to- ie that they could all fit inside it. Why the priests just don’t just walk about with their dicks hanging out…oh wait- that would only be in a kindergarten.
Don’t forget that Mo wasn’t above a bit of kiddy fiddling in his time.
(Or is that just me failing to make culturally relative allowances for that period in history and place in time. Naaah. Kiddy fiddling is kiddy fiddling).
He’s just jealous of the love and hope Obama is responsible for.
He has to wait until he is dead to be voted a Saint. Not much ego satisfaction for him there.
Arrogance? Popes seldom get to condemn people to death these days, but they do reserve unto their organisation the power to send someone to Hell. For eternity. Once you’ve been excommunicated, there is no way for you to get into Heaven. God’s hands are tied. As I understand it, anyway. IANAC.
Now now John the geologist- you know as well as I do that Mohammed waited untl his wife’s 2nd period before having sex with her, so technically she was not a kiddy. Seriously- a believer once told me this in response to my similar comment. Other muslims around him seemed to agree with this defence. They found my laughter offensive.
Mo should have hung around until modern days as there is a tendency for young women to start menstruation earlier and earlier nowadays.
If he was really lucky he could have got a 10/11 year old.
I find your laughter at this risible excuse enlightening and encouraging – sometimes the only defence left to the sane is taking the piss coupled with derisive laughter.
I like your avatar. For some odd reason it reminded me of when I married into a family of Jehovah’s Witlesses (although my wife was obviously not one) and they took great delight in telling me the world was only 6000 years old. I could only laugh derisively as I was doing seismic field research in Saudi Arabia at the time and the facts indicated it was slightly older.
And they also told me that dog put the marine fossils high up in the Alps to give mankind something to think about. Well mankind did and it doesn’t square with your stupid theology moron.
Oddly enough I was not exactly a favoured son in that family.
And just to bring it all full circle J Witlesses are very protective of kiddy fiddlers in their midst and will not report them ot the police. Maybe Mo was in the wrong religion.
I always point out to the Witnesses that they must be extremely optimistic due to the fact that thier heaven only allows 144,000 souls. New recruitment would seem to be harder and harder as the spots were taken up but hey what do I know….
The Witlesses got around that one. (It was one of my first arguments against their particular brand of bullshit).
I think (and lets face it, this is not an exact science as their beliefs change all the time) that the 144K go to heaven to sit with dog and the rest come back to “heaven on earth”.
They obviously sussed the 144K limit to the numbers of the gullible thay could attract many moons ago and tweaked their bullshit accordingly.
The real cracker was the failure of the world to end in 1979,80,81.82 . . . .
They genuinely believed this was going to happen – all of them. My mother in law was genuinely delighted at the prospect (even when I pointed out that her non-believer husband would not join her. Maybe that is why she was so delighted).
The reason the world did not end was due to a scriptural discrepancy. In genesis (the part of the bible not the crap band) it says something about Adam having to count up all the animals in the Garden of Eden (although exactly why this was necessary is a mystery to me given that dog presumably created them all in the first place and should therefore have reasonably accurate inventory management).
The get out of jail card is that there are obviously far more animals than was originally thought and this unquantifiable extra effort is what is allowing us all to live on borrowed time before the great upheaval (when all the graves open up, the witless zombies pour forth and heaven is created on earth).
So we are all doooomed, dooooomed I tell ye.
I couldn’t drink or smoke enough to make up crap like this.
AUTHOR – any chance of a pop at the witlesses ? You know it makes sense.
The 144,000 bit always confused me, when combined with their active evangelism. If you really thought that there were only 144,000 slots in heaven … wouldn’t you want to maximize your odds of getting one of those slots by keeping the competition down? Every new convert is another potential rival!
The 144,000 comes from Revelations, so to get to heaven you have to be a jewish male.
The rest of the saved live eternally on earth, that has been made into a paradise by God and are controlled by Jesus with the help of the 144,000.
So presumably Global Warming is not an issue for JW’s.
Also if their friends and family aren’t of the faith they have to live for all time solely in the company of the drips they walk door to door with.
So why waste time living with your family now, shack up with your fellow witnesses straight away, its what God wants surely.
Erm, lads, I’m an ex-Witness, and some of your descriptions of their beliefs are, to be charitable, a little off. But I’m in work at the moment. I’ll put you all right tomorrow, maybe.
John the Geo,
I care, I want to know the truth about how screwed up they are. Wouldn’t most people like this cartoon because they’re interested in how these delusions are affecting us all?
1. “I married into a family of Jehovah’s Witnesses (although my wife was obviously not one) and they took great delight in telling me the world was only 6000 years old.”
This article is, in many ways, good for a laugh, but it does at least show that the Witnesses do not believe in a 6,000-year-old Earth. They do believe, though, in 6,000 years of human life on the Earth, which may be where some confusion arises.
2. “Their heaven only allows 144,000 souls.”
True. Many others, it is said, will live eternally here on Earth after it’s been cleaned up. There was a famous talk a few years ago with the title “Millions Now Living Will Never Die”.
3. “The real cracker was the failure of the world to end in 1979,80,81.82 ….. They genuinely believed this was going to happen – all of them.”
Not true. Some of these dates were bigger than others. (1975 was the biggie.) My mother recalls many being swept up by them, but maintains that not everyone was. She wasn’t herself, she says. And I’m inclined to believe her.
4. “The reason the world did not end was due to a scriptural discrepancy. In Genesis it says something about Adam having to count up all the animals in the Garden of Eden. The get out of jail card is that there are obviously far more animals than was originally thought and this unquantifiable extra effort is what is allowing us all to live on borrowed time before the great upheaval.”
I’ve never heard that one before. Really, never. I must look it up.
5. “The 144,000 comes from Revelations, so to get to heaven you have to be a Jewish male.”
Now, that would be logical (for a given value of “teapot”), but it’s not what the Witnesses believe.
Phew. It’s a long time since I’ve thought about this stuff.
Jesus & Mo (the characters) are absurd, blinkered, and oddly very sweet. J&M (the cartoon) is brilliant: sharp, delicious, irresistible. Salman Rushdie
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Often hilarious, frequently wry, these cartoons do what all the best cartoons do: they tell the truth through humour. Terry Sanderson, NSS President
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September 28, 2006
I may be repeating myself here, but anyhow: If you go to St Peter’s in the Vatican there are metal strips on the floor to indicate where all the other other churches in the world would come to- ie that they could all fit inside it. Why the priests just don’t just walk about with their dicks hanging out…oh wait- that would only be in a kindergarten.
Daoloth
Good point.
Don’t forget that Mo wasn’t above a bit of kiddy fiddling in his time.
(Or is that just me failing to make culturally relative allowances for that period in history and place in time. Naaah. Kiddy fiddling is kiddy fiddling).
He’s just jealous of the love and hope Obama is responsible for.
He has to wait until he is dead to be voted a Saint. Not much ego satisfaction for him there.
Arrogance? Popes seldom get to condemn people to death these days, but they do reserve unto their organisation the power to send someone to Hell. For eternity. Once you’ve been excommunicated, there is no way for you to get into Heaven. God’s hands are tied. As I understand it, anyway. IANAC.
Yep, Spoing saves so much time and covers so much!
SPOOING!! hehe
Oh oh, use that joke one more time. Once is never enough, for a joke that good. Yeah, use that joke one more time …
Yeah, I sure would buy a SPOING T-Shirt, yeah!
I did a post about this the other day…I should have referenced the irony meter; instead I kind of shouted a lot.
http://www.butterfliesandwheels.com/notesarchive.php?id=2588
Now now John the geologist- you know as well as I do that Mohammed waited untl his wife’s 2nd period before having sex with her, so technically she was not a kiddy. Seriously- a believer once told me this in response to my similar comment. Other muslims around him seemed to agree with this defence. They found my laughter offensive.
Thanks for brightening my day!
Daoloth
Mo should have hung around until modern days as there is a tendency for young women to start menstruation earlier and earlier nowadays.
If he was really lucky he could have got a 10/11 year old.
I find your laughter at this risible excuse enlightening and encouraging – sometimes the only defence left to the sane is taking the piss coupled with derisive laughter.
I like your avatar. For some odd reason it reminded me of when I married into a family of Jehovah’s Witlesses (although my wife was obviously not one) and they took great delight in telling me the world was only 6000 years old. I could only laugh derisively as I was doing seismic field research in Saudi Arabia at the time and the facts indicated it was slightly older.
And they also told me that dog put the marine fossils high up in the Alps to give mankind something to think about. Well mankind did and it doesn’t square with your stupid theology moron.
Oddly enough I was not exactly a favoured son in that family.
And just to bring it all full circle J Witlesses are very protective of kiddy fiddlers in their midst and will not report them ot the police. Maybe Mo was in the wrong religion.
I always point out to the Witnesses that they must be extremely optimistic due to the fact that thier heaven only allows 144,000 souls. New recruitment would seem to be harder and harder as the spots were taken up but hey what do I know….
Jmo
The Witlesses got around that one. (It was one of my first arguments against their particular brand of bullshit).
I think (and lets face it, this is not an exact science as their beliefs change all the time) that the 144K go to heaven to sit with dog and the rest come back to “heaven on earth”.
They obviously sussed the 144K limit to the numbers of the gullible thay could attract many moons ago and tweaked their bullshit accordingly.
The real cracker was the failure of the world to end in 1979,80,81.82 . . . .
They genuinely believed this was going to happen – all of them. My mother in law was genuinely delighted at the prospect (even when I pointed out that her non-believer husband would not join her. Maybe that is why she was so delighted).
The reason the world did not end was due to a scriptural discrepancy. In genesis (the part of the bible not the crap band) it says something about Adam having to count up all the animals in the Garden of Eden (although exactly why this was necessary is a mystery to me given that dog presumably created them all in the first place and should therefore have reasonably accurate inventory management).
The get out of jail card is that there are obviously far more animals than was originally thought and this unquantifiable extra effort is what is allowing us all to live on borrowed time before the great upheaval (when all the graves open up, the witless zombies pour forth and heaven is created on earth).
So we are all doooomed, dooooomed I tell ye.
I couldn’t drink or smoke enough to make up crap like this.
AUTHOR – any chance of a pop at the witlesses ? You know it makes sense.
The 144,000 bit always confused me, when combined with their active evangelism. If you really thought that there were only 144,000 slots in heaven … wouldn’t you want to maximize your odds of getting one of those slots by keeping the competition down? Every new convert is another potential rival!
The 144,000 comes from Revelations, so to get to heaven you have to be a jewish male.
The rest of the saved live eternally on earth, that has been made into a paradise by God and are controlled by Jesus with the help of the 144,000.
So presumably Global Warming is not an issue for JW’s.
Also if their friends and family aren’t of the faith they have to live for all time solely in the company of the drips they walk door to door with.
So why waste time living with your family now, shack up with your fellow witnesses straight away, its what God wants surely.
No, no, it’s like a pyramid scam: The more you recruit, the better your chances are. Or something like that, anyway.
Ponzi scams worked for Thatcher. Why shouldn’t they work for God?
– Jake
Bahahahahahahahahahahaha!
Erm, lads, I’m an ex-Witness, and some of your descriptions of their beliefs are, to be charitable, a little off. But I’m in work at the moment. I’ll put you all right tomorrow, maybe.
TRiG.
Hey Trig
Don’t bust a gut over it.
You might have guessed from this site that we don’t fucking care.
John the Geo,
I care, I want to know the truth about how screwed up they are. Wouldn’t most people like this cartoon because they’re interested in how these delusions are affecting us all?
1. “I married into a family of Jehovah’s Witnesses (although my wife was obviously not one) and they took great delight in telling me the world was only 6000 years old.”
Odd, since that is not a Witness belief.
http://www.watchtower.org/e/20040622/article_03.htm
This article is, in many ways, good for a laugh, but it does at least show that the Witnesses do not believe in a 6,000-year-old Earth. They do believe, though, in 6,000 years of human life on the Earth, which may be where some confusion arises.
2. “Their heaven only allows 144,000 souls.”
True. Many others, it is said, will live eternally here on Earth after it’s been cleaned up. There was a famous talk a few years ago with the title “Millions Now Living Will Never Die”.
http://www.lulu.com/content/116824
3. “The real cracker was the failure of the world to end in 1979,80,81.82 ….. They genuinely believed this was going to happen – all of them.”
Not true. Some of these dates were bigger than others. (1975 was the biggie.) My mother recalls many being swept up by them, but maintains that not everyone was. She wasn’t herself, she says. And I’m inclined to believe her.
http://www.google.com/search?ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&sourceid=navclient&gfns=1&q=jehovah+1975
4. “The reason the world did not end was due to a scriptural discrepancy. In Genesis it says something about Adam having to count up all the animals in the Garden of Eden. The get out of jail card is that there are obviously far more animals than was originally thought and this unquantifiable extra effort is what is allowing us all to live on borrowed time before the great upheaval.”
I’ve never heard that one before. Really, never. I must look it up.
5. “The 144,000 comes from Revelations, so to get to heaven you have to be a Jewish male.”
Now, that would be logical (for a given value of “teapot”), but it’s not what the Witnesses believe.
Phew. It’s a long time since I’ve thought about this stuff.
TRiG.