Sir Alexander Dane: Could they be the miners?
Fred Kwan: Sure, they’re like three years old.
Sir Alexander Dane: MINERS, not MINORS.
Fred Kwan: You lost me.
The lesson of Scientology and Mormonism: always choose a god/prophet who is dead a millennium or more. The best is to pick someone from the Iron Age or early who may not exist.
What’s Jesus got to sweat about? I thought he was practically perfect in every way. Could there have been more to that foot fetishism bit with the oil and the hair? Surely not the little children he suffered to come unto him?
There was a wonderful little pause before the penny dropped for me which made it even funnier.
There is an interesting burka babe over at Mediawatchwatch at the moment.
What has Jesus got to sweat about? His two geneologies, his life being predicted by dodgy prophesies, his claims that the second coming was going to be pretty much straight away. Also his girlfriend was a hooker and he hung out with a bunch of guys who were like the first century version of the Village People.
Joe is completely right. We know very well the popular culture of the 20th Century to identify the items that configure Scientology. It is not difficult to study the 19th Century US popular culture and to see it reflected in Mormonism. However, only a few historians have a truly grasp of the popular cultures in 1st and 7th Centuries in Middle Eastern region. They know very well how religions were produced in those times, and Xtianity and Islam are no very different from less fortunate religions (Judaism, Mandeism, Mazdeism, Mithraism, etc.)
in the future, Elvis Presley will be worshipped as the messiah sent by god.
He ahs all the elements – an association with Sun (records), a message of racial harmony, sexual freedom, and a golden rule – Don’t Be Cruel
There are stories of:
– His father claiming a strange light in the sky when he was born
– Elvis saw Jesus and Stalin in clouds
– ELvis laid on hand to heal people of various
– Was generous with his wealth, nto only gifts, but charitible contributions
– Memphis Mafia guys are like disiples (many have written books that contradict each other)
– After death sightings, including some in which he continues good deeds
– Impersonators are priests, spreadingthe gospel of Elvis
– Graceland is a prilgramage place
– has a winter and summer holiday – Jan 8 birthday (closer to the real xmas day under the old calender) and Aug 16 as the death day – so, being born to kickstart spring, and dying in fall when the harvest is to start
and many people have shrines or whole room in their homes of their Elvis collections – so portable worship places
Sons of Thunder, are you being serious with your Bible quotes or are you having a laugh? You don’t really make it clear in your post. If you are warning us of some eternal punishment in the afterlife don’t worry yourself, the idea that you are still going to be alive after you are dead is preposterous. If you don’t believe me try this:
He who is joined with all the living has hope, for a living dog is better than a dead lion. For the living know that they will die, but the dead know nothing, and they have no more reward; but the memory of them is lost. Their love and their hate and their envy have already perished and they have no more for ever any share in all that is done under the sun.
@SG. Good point. Of course the true believer, who has read the bible, knows that Jesus caimed that we (i.e. the elect- you, me and all the JanMers of course) will be resurrected, not just drift off to heaven in some vague sense. He said it would happen any time soon. George Romero would have been proud
His first church is being built in Kalamazoo, the Place of His Resurrection; with today’s speedy electronic dispersal of information, there’s no need to wait hundreds of years. So, Big Bird, Stephen, Nina, et al, it is all here for you, and Elvis visits the coffee shops regularly. Check in at the Michigan News, the last of the great magazine & paperback stores, for the latest on our deities — and sports heroes and movie stars and all that is holy.
As Poor Richard says,”Yes, there really is a Kalamazoo!”
@Toast – in terms of common ancestry, Elvis IS in fact related to Obama. And every other human, including you, me and all of us here. And all the sheep and ladybirds and broccoli and algae and diplodocci and wooly mammoths and estate agents.
And, of course, my cat. And therefore God. Thus, we come full circle and Nina’s hypothesis is proven. I shall have a cup of tea to celebrate (whilst listening to Hymn no. 374: Jailhouse Rock).
First you need to determine which faction of the Memphis Mafia you want to follow – is it the Red & Sony West faction (brutal honesty outsiders), the Jerry Schilling/Joe Esposito (Party Line insiders, change the stories as needed) faction or the Lamar Fike/Marty Lacker (explotive/opportunistic) faction or the Dick Grob/ Charlie Hodge (conspiracies galore) faction or some other random minor player like distant cousins or the mysterious close but silent ones
If you don’t want to fall into one of the major breakawy groups, you can simply buy all the Elvis movies and music, copy Elvis’ look as best as you can in your gender limitations, give generously to charities, be generous in spirit and support of your family and friends (even undeserving ones), express your creativity, and while there’s a need to indulge yourself, there’s the cautionary tale of not to excess
You should have some time of shrine in your home – as simple as a poster on the wall near a bookcase with your collection of cds, dvds and books – more devoted may have an entire room to house their collection of artifacts
No no no don’t worry, Mo – Karen Armstrong says you waited until Aisha was past puberty. Scholars aren’t so sure about that, but Karen Armstrong is way confident, so don’t you worry. It’s going to be alllllllllllll right.
Hello again, cat-worshippers, homophobic terrorists and other hypocrites. Hey, what’s happening in J&M fantasy-land? Oh, I see we’re still pretending Islam & Christianity are in bed together…what a hoot! Way to Resist The Jihad, author; if only Charles Martel, Urban ll & Jan Sobieski had seen the same equivalence in their own beliefs and those of the invading hordes, we would not have had to wait all these centuries for the Islamification of Europe. And Sharia Law can’t be any worse than the Freedom & Democracy wrought by oppressive Christian dominance…unless your a cartoonist, or a homosexual, or a barmaid or a non-Muslim..
Sons of Thunder means it all right – just look at the website he links to with its report of John Lennon being sighted in hell, amongst other… well, let’s just call it bullshit, shall we?
@Crusader Rabid: please, please, PLEASE stop back and cite the many examples of Xtian dominance causing Freedom(tm) and Democracy(tm).
Don’t forget, there are some disqualifiers. Here’s an example: my great^n aunt was driven by her religious fervor to sneak in to the antebellum (U.S.) South and help escaping slaves reach freedom in Canada. Her faith was so strong that she continued her work even after the Southern slave owners put a substantial price on her head. Freedom(tm) and Democracy(tm) through Xtian faith, right? Only if you overlook the small but relevant fact that the slave owners / fugitive hunters who *put* the price on her head were also ardent Xtian believers.
But please, give it your best shot. It could be a slow day otherwise.
Author, I think Xenu would make a wonderful addition to the cast. Don’t know what he looks like? Just drop some acid while reading Dianetics, it’ll come to you.
Btw, I never want to see the barmaid, I have a perfect mental picture of her, it gives me the horn.
Hi Steve in MI. You have already done nearly half the job for me, and God bless your great^n aunt! One of my ancestors (an Anglican minister) was an abolitionist in Southampton during the early 19th century. Wilberforce himself was also a Christian. As for slave owners who claimed to be followers of Christ: they should have read Galations 5:1 (in conjunction with Matthew 28:19), just as pedophile priests should heed Matthew 18:6.
Many of the early Christians were Greek (Luke for eg.). The idea of Democracy began in ancient Greece, and probably spread throughout Europe along with Christianity, though it took quite a while for these ideas to blossom into the Freedom & Democracy that exist in parts of the world today. And yeah, they have only been around for a brief moment, and are under constant threat.
Just to add to what Stonyground said, the development of Democracy in Classical Athens pre-dates the supposed birth of Christ by 400 – 700 years.
In fact, by the time Christianity became a religion (actually a rather bizarre cult of Judaism at that time) in 100 – 200 AD, all vestiges of democracy in Greece and Rome had long-since vanished. Christianity was born in a world of dictatorships.
Christianity out-grew its cult status in the West by being spread through Europe following Emperor Constantine’s conversion in the 4th Century CE. Constantine was, of course, a dictator (the word Emperor gives it away…) and certainly no lover of democracy.
So no link between democracy and Christianity there, I’m afraid.
MCIG: not arguing with your facts, but I see a link this way:
James Vl of Scotland (& 1st of England) wanted to put the bible in the hands of ordinary folk, so he commissioned the Authorised version which became known as the King James Bible. Less than 200 years later, English monarchs had lost the ‘divine right of kings’ as enjoyed by James himself, and Christian parliamentarians had legislation passed that effectively ended the slave trade. The will of the people in a Christian country had prevailed, not Christian dictators.
It’s hardly surprising that the parliamentarians who abolished slavery were christian, when they would have been persecuted and tortured had they admitted to being anything else.
Blasphemy against christianity was a crime in England until last year. In Scotland, open atheism carried the death penalty until 1825, and John Gott served 9 months hard labour in England for blasphemy as recently as 1921.
Your reference to James I is bizarre and nonsensical – he explicitly believed that monarchs were a higher kind of being than ordinary people, and published this in ‘The True Law of Free Monarchies’.
Abolition of the slave trade was a widespread movement that certainly did not depend on christianity. The Haitian Revolution was in fact led by a Voodoo priest, and the most vocal European opposition came from Enlightenment thinkers, Diderot, Voltaire and of course Thomas Paine – all of whom were famously critical of christianity.
I don’t understand how theists can come on this site, level insults and ridiculous assertions at us, quote from their boring old books, and expect anything useful to come of that.
There is nothing appealing about their worldview or their character that is worth emulating.
The very idea of replacing the wonders of our universe with Bronze Age ignorance, the tolerance and progress of our times with the bigotry of centuries ago, and useful debate with dogmatic parrot squawks is such a regression of intellect and human achievement, I wonder why they bother.
Jesus & Mo (the characters) are absurd, blinkered, and oddly very sweet. J&M (the cartoon) is brilliant: sharp, delicious, irresistible. Salman Rushdie
Jesus and Mo cartoons are wonderfully funny and true. Richard Dawkins
Jesus and Mo make the world a better place, bless their little hearts. Ophelia Benson
In a world defined by outrage and offence and liberal spinelessness, Jesus and Mo is a treasure, whose value we should never fail to recognize. Read them. Laugh. And think. Kenan Malik
The brilliant, celebrated, freaking hilarious atheist comic strip ... Greta Christina
...rays of sanity in a befuddled world. Keri Hulme
The liveliest depictions of Muhammad currently available... Malise Ruthven
J & Mo is the funniest and most consistently thought-provoking cartoon strip on the Net. In a saner world, it would run in a major newspaper. Nelson Jones, Heresy Corner
Consistently amusing, frequently thought-provoking and often heart-warming. New Humanist
Jesus & Mo is one of the most wonderful things on the internet.. JT Eberhard
Wittily captures much of the absurdity of religious apologetics. Mano Singham
I love jesusandmo.net cartoons - witty and sharp! Katha Pollitt
Often hilarious, frequently wry, these cartoons do what all the best cartoons do: they tell the truth through humour. Terry Sanderson, NSS President
...a wonderfully acid British cartoonist... Nick Cohen
I love the scrappy mockery of Jesus and Mo. Freedom of speech
includes the freedom to mock any person, any thing, any activity, and
any belief -- and J&M stands up for this unflinchingly Richard Stallman
...empowering, important and deeply progressive, not to mention hilarious... Council of Ex-Muslims
March 3, 2009
HAHAHA – a Minor concern indeed!
Burka Babes is hilarious.
reminds of one of my favorite movie quotes:
Sir Alexander Dane: Could they be the miners?
Fred Kwan: Sure, they’re like three years old.
Sir Alexander Dane: MINERS, not MINORS.
Fred Kwan: You lost me.
The lesson of Scientology and Mormonism: always choose a god/prophet who is dead a millennium or more. The best is to pick someone from the Iron Age or early who may not exist.
That calls for a rimshot.
http://instantrimshot.com/
oh wow that was great!
**A** minor concern???
How can we be sure that the Burka Babes haven’t been photoshopped?
What’s Jesus got to sweat about? I thought he was practically perfect in every way. Could there have been more to that foot fetishism bit with the oil and the hair? Surely not the little children he suffered to come unto him?
There was a wonderful little pause before the penny dropped for me which made it even funnier.
There is an interesting burka babe over at Mediawatchwatch at the moment.
What has Jesus got to sweat about? His two geneologies, his life being predicted by dodgy prophesies, his claims that the second coming was going to be pretty much straight away. Also his girlfriend was a hooker and he hung out with a bunch of guys who were like the first century version of the Village People.
Joe is completely right. We know very well the popular culture of the 20th Century to identify the items that configure Scientology. It is not difficult to study the 19th Century US popular culture and to see it reflected in Mormonism. However, only a few historians have a truly grasp of the popular cultures in 1st and 7th Centuries in Middle Eastern region. They know very well how religions were produced in those times, and Xtianity and Islam are no very different from less fortunate religions (Judaism, Mandeism, Mazdeism, Mithraism, etc.)
Hee-hee. I think Author is referring to this article by Marina Hyde.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2009/oct/30/scientology-religion-france-alien-fraud
“Woe unto you that laugh now! for you will mourn and weep” – Jesus
“Where their worm will never die and their fire will never be put
out” – Isaiah
Beautifully subtle. It took a moment or so for the penny to drop with me, too.
Could it be time for the dynamic duo to have an encounter with Xenu?
Wot no links?
[…] The Truth Will Out […]
in the future, Elvis Presley will be worshipped as the messiah sent by god.
He ahs all the elements – an association with Sun (records), a message of racial harmony, sexual freedom, and a golden rule – Don’t Be Cruel
There are stories of:
– His father claiming a strange light in the sky when he was born
– Elvis saw Jesus and Stalin in clouds
– ELvis laid on hand to heal people of various
– Was generous with his wealth, nto only gifts, but charitible contributions
– Memphis Mafia guys are like disiples (many have written books that contradict each other)
– After death sightings, including some in which he continues good deeds
– Impersonators are priests, spreadingthe gospel of Elvis
– Graceland is a prilgramage place
– has a winter and summer holiday – Jan 8 birthday (closer to the real xmas day under the old calender) and Aug 16 as the death day – so, being born to kickstart spring, and dying in fall when the harvest is to start
and many people have shrines or whole room in their homes of their Elvis collections – so portable worship places
Sons of Thunder, are you being serious with your Bible quotes or are you having a laugh? You don’t really make it clear in your post. If you are warning us of some eternal punishment in the afterlife don’t worry yourself, the idea that you are still going to be alive after you are dead is preposterous. If you don’t believe me try this:
He who is joined with all the living has hope, for a living dog is better than a dead lion. For the living know that they will die, but the dead know nothing, and they have no more reward; but the memory of them is lost. Their love and their hate and their envy have already perished and they have no more for ever any share in all that is done under the sun.
Ecclesiastes Ch 9 Vs 4-6
@SG. Good point. Of course the true believer, who has read the bible, knows that Jesus caimed that we (i.e. the elect- you, me and all the JanMers of course) will be resurrected, not just drift off to heaven in some vague sense. He said it would happen any time soon. George Romero would have been proud
Surely Sons of Thunder is (are?) likely to be Thor–botherers rather than Xians.
Nina: well you’ve convinced me about Elvis. How do I start worshipping him?
Elvis as deity – Haw! It’s scary how well it fits… at least, how well it will fit in another few hundred years.
His first church is being built in Kalamazoo, the Place of His Resurrection; with today’s speedy electronic dispersal of information, there’s no need to wait hundreds of years. So, Big Bird, Stephen, Nina, et al, it is all here for you, and Elvis visits the coffee shops regularly. Check in at the Michigan News, the last of the great magazine & paperback stores, for the latest on our deities — and sports heroes and movie stars and all that is holy.
As Poor Richard says,”Yes, there really is a Kalamazoo!”
‘Sons of Thunder’ – weren’t they a spandex-trousered, poodle-permed 80s rock band? Should have been if not.
Re Elvis – I heard the other day he’s also related to every American president except Obama. You’ll have to work that into the holy text.
@Toast – in terms of common ancestry, Elvis IS in fact related to Obama. And every other human, including you, me and all of us here. And all the sheep and ladybirds and broccoli and algae and diplodocci and wooly mammoths and estate agents.
And, of course, my cat. And therefore God. Thus, we come full circle and Nina’s hypothesis is proven. I shall have a cup of tea to celebrate (whilst listening to Hymn no. 374: Jailhouse Rock).
To Worship Elvis
First you need to determine which faction of the Memphis Mafia you want to follow – is it the Red & Sony West faction (brutal honesty outsiders), the Jerry Schilling/Joe Esposito (Party Line insiders, change the stories as needed) faction or the Lamar Fike/Marty Lacker (explotive/opportunistic) faction or the Dick Grob/ Charlie Hodge (conspiracies galore) faction or some other random minor player like distant cousins or the mysterious close but silent ones
If you don’t want to fall into one of the major breakawy groups, you can simply buy all the Elvis movies and music, copy Elvis’ look as best as you can in your gender limitations, give generously to charities, be generous in spirit and support of your family and friends (even undeserving ones), express your creativity, and while there’s a need to indulge yourself, there’s the cautionary tale of not to excess
You should have some time of shrine in your home – as simple as a poster on the wall near a bookcase with your collection of cds, dvds and books – more devoted may have an entire room to house their collection of artifacts
… estate agents? Blasphemy!
No no no don’t worry, Mo – Karen Armstrong says you waited until Aisha was past puberty. Scholars aren’t so sure about that, but Karen Armstrong is way confident, so don’t you worry. It’s going to be alllllllllllll right.
Hello again, cat-worshippers, homophobic terrorists and other hypocrites. Hey, what’s happening in J&M fantasy-land? Oh, I see we’re still pretending Islam & Christianity are in bed together…what a hoot! Way to Resist The Jihad, author; if only Charles Martel, Urban ll & Jan Sobieski had seen the same equivalence in their own beliefs and those of the invading hordes, we would not have had to wait all these centuries for the Islamification of Europe. And Sharia Law can’t be any worse than the Freedom & Democracy wrought by oppressive Christian dominance…unless your a cartoonist, or a homosexual, or a barmaid or a non-Muslim..
you + are = you’re
Hullo, Crusader. Lovely to have you back 🙂
Sons of Thunder means it all right – just look at the website he links to with its report of John Lennon being sighted in hell, amongst other… well, let’s just call it bullshit, shall we?
@Crusader Rabid: please, please, PLEASE stop back and cite the many examples of Xtian dominance causing Freedom(tm) and Democracy(tm).
Don’t forget, there are some disqualifiers. Here’s an example: my great^n aunt was driven by her religious fervor to sneak in to the antebellum (U.S.) South and help escaping slaves reach freedom in Canada. Her faith was so strong that she continued her work even after the Southern slave owners put a substantial price on her head. Freedom(tm) and Democracy(tm) through Xtian faith, right? Only if you overlook the small but relevant fact that the slave owners / fugitive hunters who *put* the price on her head were also ardent Xtian believers.
But please, give it your best shot. It could be a slow day otherwise.
BTW, the name “Sons of Thunder” is a reference to the nickname Jesus allegedly gave to the apostles James and John. Nothing to do with Thor.
Author, I think Xenu would make a wonderful addition to the cast. Don’t know what he looks like? Just drop some acid while reading Dianetics, it’ll come to you.
Btw, I never want to see the barmaid, I have a perfect mental picture of her, it gives me the horn.
Hi Steve in MI. You have already done nearly half the job for me, and God bless your great^n aunt! One of my ancestors (an Anglican minister) was an abolitionist in Southampton during the early 19th century. Wilberforce himself was also a Christian. As for slave owners who claimed to be followers of Christ: they should have read Galations 5:1 (in conjunction with Matthew 28:19), just as pedophile priests should heed Matthew 18:6.
Many of the early Christians were Greek (Luke for eg.). The idea of Democracy began in ancient Greece, and probably spread throughout Europe along with Christianity, though it took quite a while for these ideas to blossom into the Freedom & Democracy that exist in parts of the world today. And yeah, they have only been around for a brief moment, and are under constant threat.
The statement that Wilberforce was a Christian is moot because at the time only Anglicans were allowed to sit in Parliament so he would have to be.
The idea that Christianity was responsible for the rise of democracy in Europe is so absurd it is laughable, in the US even more so.
Just to add to what Stonyground said, the development of Democracy in Classical Athens pre-dates the supposed birth of Christ by 400 – 700 years.
In fact, by the time Christianity became a religion (actually a rather bizarre cult of Judaism at that time) in 100 – 200 AD, all vestiges of democracy in Greece and Rome had long-since vanished. Christianity was born in a world of dictatorships.
Christianity out-grew its cult status in the West by being spread through Europe following Emperor Constantine’s conversion in the 4th Century CE. Constantine was, of course, a dictator (the word Emperor gives it away…) and certainly no lover of democracy.
So no link between democracy and Christianity there, I’m afraid.
MCIG: not arguing with your facts, but I see a link this way:
James Vl of Scotland (& 1st of England) wanted to put the bible in the hands of ordinary folk, so he commissioned the Authorised version which became known as the King James Bible. Less than 200 years later, English monarchs had lost the ‘divine right of kings’ as enjoyed by James himself, and Christian parliamentarians had legislation passed that effectively ended the slave trade. The will of the people in a Christian country had prevailed, not Christian dictators.
It’s hardly surprising that the parliamentarians who abolished slavery were christian, when they would have been persecuted and tortured had they admitted to being anything else.
Blasphemy against christianity was a crime in England until last year. In Scotland, open atheism carried the death penalty until 1825, and John Gott served 9 months hard labour in England for blasphemy as recently as 1921.
Your reference to James I is bizarre and nonsensical – he explicitly believed that monarchs were a higher kind of being than ordinary people, and published this in ‘The True Law of Free Monarchies’.
Abolition of the slave trade was a widespread movement that certainly did not depend on christianity. The Haitian Revolution was in fact led by a Voodoo priest, and the most vocal European opposition came from Enlightenment thinkers, Diderot, Voltaire and of course Thomas Paine – all of whom were famously critical of christianity.
Why is Jesus sweating? Does he have something to worry about too?
Shouldn’t it be we’ve got nothing to worry about instead of we?
I don’t understand how theists can come on this site, level insults and ridiculous assertions at us, quote from their boring old books, and expect anything useful to come of that.
There is nothing appealing about their worldview or their character that is worth emulating.
The very idea of replacing the wonders of our universe with Bronze Age ignorance, the tolerance and progress of our times with the bigotry of centuries ago, and useful debate with dogmatic parrot squawks is such a regression of intellect and human achievement, I wonder why they bother.