words
January 13th, 2016
Hat tip to Stephen Law.
Feel free to post your own pseudo-profundities in the comments below. There’s a prize in it for the best one!
Latest book…
Random oldie…
June 13, 2012-
- NICE T-SHIRT (Thank you for not provoking my uncontrollable lust). Currently unavailable.
It is the unknowable that brings us closer to God
“It is what it is” Yuck!
Some people have a way with words whilst others …. err …. don’t have way!
Who is really driving? For sometimes Jesus can be Mo, and Mo Jesus.
What is shallowness but the microcosm of depth?
Everything happens for a reason.
“Trees are tall – but they do not reach the sky”.
True belief is knowledge beyond reason
Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum viditur.
Anything said in Latin sounds profound.
God is unknowable but you you need to have faith to know him.
Like l; I need a “Safe Space” free of criticism, where I can explore the boundaries of my stupidity and ignorance
“Eternal stillness is mirrored in objective success”
“Your desire differentiates into reckless space time events”
“Your body is in the midst of the expansion of destiny”
“Dogs are sterile”
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the Deepak Chopra random phrase generator:
http://www.wisdomofchopra.com/
If you tie two birds together, they have four wings but cannot fly.
“It doesn’t matter who steers, only that a destination is reached.”
“You got to have faith”!
Thid is a time honored statement that hard to argue with. ‘you know everybody says that’. This is the usual retort by Xtians when I say what does that EXACTLY mean?
They can become red-faced at that point…or mad.
To gain profound knowledge, sometime you need to learn to unlearn.
‘When I use a word,’ Humpty Dumpty said, in rather a scornful tone, ‘it means just what I choose it to mean — neither more nor less.’
“Death depends on existential success”. I cheated because this was generated by a mechanised bullshit generator here: http://wisdomofchopra.com/index.php
Anything by Deepak Chopra would apply. Here’s one:
“Spirituality is the experience of that domain of awareness where we experience our universality. This domain of awareness is a core consciousness that is beyond our mind, intellect, and ego. In religious traditions this core consciousness is referred to as the soul which is part of a collective soul or collective consciousness, which in turn is part of a more universal domain of consciousness referred to in religions as God.”
Translation: “spirituality is the experience of God.” Six words. It took Chopra 70.
When searching for truth, it’s important to look for truth.
Jesus, take the wheel.
I’m pink therefore I’m Spam.
It all works out in the end.
reading the article shows how its done the 1984 way:
bible makes sense
ignorance is knowledge
creationism is truth
Islam is peaceful
‘god’ exists
jesus lives
Maybe Deepak’s Publisher pays by word count
You cannot say anything profound in a single sentence.
Think thoughts.
Not too many.
Mostly deep.
If you tie two birds together, they have four wings but cannot fly.
not so
if you tie a humming bird to a condor
‘Faith’ is like a goldfish in a round bowl: moving ceaselessly in pursuit of its own reflection but never actually going anywhere
How progressive it is to sound
Pseudo smart and semi profound
those spewing verbal diarrhoea
Be gone, don’t wanna be ya
You’re spreading manure by the pound
To Peter: I am reminded of this.
From: Thomas Hood, “I remember, I remember” 1826 so the prize would be wasted.
This is one of Hood’s serious poems but he could never resist a joke so, who knows?
I remember, I remember,
The fir trees dark and high;
I used to think their slender tops
Were close against the sky:
It was a childish ignorance,
But now ’tis little joy
To know I’m farther off from Heav’n
Than when I was a boy.
To every season there is a thing, and a purpose to every time under the heaven:
Eccles 3:1
And, speaking of Eccles:
Seagoon: “What are you doing here, Eccles?”
Eccles: “Er, everybody’s got to be somewhere.”
Spike Milligan. (from memory)
OK: Two birds, both roughly the same mass (neither carrying coconuts). Can be different species, if you like. Tied together so that their wings can still flap (maybe by the legs; one left, one right). throw the bundle of birds into the air. Sit back and smile at your deepness and profundisment
Humorous spoofing of myth and magic with rational thinking as the perceived highest stage of human awareness is laughable. Ha ha, hardy har, LOL. Did you hear the one about the scientist, the imam, priest, rabbi and atheist entering a kosmic comic strip? _____________.
Good one, Grumpy!
My bête noire: It’s all good.
A spoof I like:
Propel, propel, propel your watercraft
upon the aqueous solution
ecstatically, ecstatically, ecstatically, ecstatically!
Existence is but an illusion.
I remember learning (in the Intro. to Philosophy course I took ages ago) that a philosopher in ancient Greece admitted that he explained his philosophy using language that was difficult for others to understand because he didn’t want to be laughed at. If you can remember the philosopher and quote the text of this admission of his, I’ll stand you a pint here at the Cock & Bull. (I tried Google, but got nowhere.)
Draught is no virtue in shallow waters.
All things existence on a continium between true and not true
God is what remains when you run out of questions
It is better to be happy then sad
From one of my favorites movie = “Buckaroo Banzai”
“Remember; no matter where you go, there you are.”
Rotate your tires.
When in danger or in doubt,
Run in circles, scream and shout.
Religious Instruction.
The more things change
The more they remain the same.
“Tiger’s gotta hunt, bird’s gotta fly, man’s gotta ask himself, ‘why why why?,’ Tiger’s gotta sleep, bird’s gotta land, man’s gotta tell himself ‘I understand.'” Kurt Vonnegut
The foolish person’s wise profundity is the wise person’s foolish triviality.
Time is money. So if you are running out of Time, just buy more.
Last night I learned that Kurt Vonnegut spoke at the memorial service for Isaac Asimov. He cracked up a whole room full of humanists by beginning his eulogy with “He’s in heaven now.”
Author, I think you hit a nerve, or a vein, with this one. A rich vein full of comedy gold.
My contribution: Go big or go home.
Might as well be hanged for a sheep as a lamb.
Sarcasm is wasted on children.
Everything happens for a reason.
“Freedom’s just another word for nothin’ left to lose. And nothin’ ain’t worth nothin’ but it’s free.”
“Atheism is a religion.”
Everywhere you go, there you are
The fool says in his heart there is no god
The wise know in their mind there is no ‘god’
if ‘god is everywhere – how does it move ?
When I use a word,’ Humpty Dumpty said, in rather a scornful tone, ‘it means just what I choose it to mean — neither more nor less.’
ok
Allah’s vagina, bescridont blue dildoe megriyi condrilat writhes vosulsisk pleasured by Satan
means
What time is the bus to London
Redsteak says
“All things existence on a continium between true and not true”
But is that true or false?
He went to India to find himself; and all he found was – himself.
Tariq Ramadan (Muslim Apologist): “We are in a world that is connected, but not communicating.”
“Logic will get you from A to Z; imagination will get you everywhere.”
Yes, it’s a quote from Alby E., yes, its pseudo profundity. A and Z are variables and can be replaced by any imaginable meaning. Thus it reads:
Logic will get you from everywhere to everywhere.
Alby must have laughed his pants off on this prank.
More empty Tariq Ramadan:
“Intellectual modesty is humility as to what I know; intellectual humility is modesty as to what I do not know”
“Saying that Islam is in heart, is similar to giving back the exam’s paper completely white and saying : knowledge is in brain.”
“Intellect is a part of a good faith. Intellect is the light, the heart is the direction.”
“Humility is my table, respect is my garment, empathy is my food and curiosity is my drink. As for love, it has a thousand names and is by my side at every window.”
“Behind every great man is not a woman, she is beside him, she is with him, not behind him”
“If there is a smoke, there is a fire, the saying goes, That is quite true, but one should find what the fire is, and who lit it.”
“Acknowledged differences may create mutual respect, but hazy misunderstandings bring forth nothing but prejudice and rejection.”
“Islam is a religion of peace”
Mo: Sometimes Jesus, I see you in the passenger seat. And other times I look and there is only me driving, alone…
Jesus: Those were the times I was looking in the glovebox for Skittles..
Life is like an ashtray, full of little butts.
Re:
Behind every great man is not a woman, she is beside him, she is with him, not behind him
this shows the innate misogyny of Islam -clearly it is impossible for a muslim to imagine a great woman
Everything happens for a reason.
Nothing also happens for a reason
Life is like a sewer; what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.
Tom Lehrer
“We are a way for the cosmos to know itself.”
–Carl Sagan
Another great cartoon ! Puts the FUN in proFUNdity !
Nothing I can invent can compete with Deepak Chopra… I think he “deserves” a script cameo.
The saddest part about this profound comment is that nobody will scroll this far down to read it.
Kilby: awww don’t worry I did. Bugger, now I am at the bottom.
That’s right Grumpy, you’re Mr. Bottom-Of-The-Heap now! Ha ha ha ha…
Wait…
Today is tomorrow’s yesterday.
A fish once saved my life.
I ate him.
I got:
“The ego transforms an expression of reality”
Ivan
If you think it’s lonely at the top – you don’t know what it’s like at the bottom.
Even a punctured tire is only flat on one side.
If The Creator did not want us to masturbate, would our arms be exactly this long?
The coldest, darkest times in life always seem to fall right after they shut the utilities off.
arm length is only applicable to masturbation if you are doing it for yourself if two people mutually assist each other then arm length is not significant
The Son of God was crucified: there is no shame, because it is shameful.
And the Son of God died: it is by all means to be believed, because it is absurd.
And, buried, He rose again: it is certain, because impossible.
Tertullian (translated from Latin)
pink-squirrel
I don’t think that word means what you think it means.
Next to “a forum discussion has been going on too long when nazism or Hitler is mentioned”, there should be a similar Godwin rule about masturbation !
Aya
Sorry. That’s just my favorite response to the Catholic ‘natural law’ that god intended people to do the things that benefit the church. e.g. women should obediant baby factories, men and women must pair up, if a man has no desire for women he’s supposed to be a priest.
Natural Law
People have a basic, ethical intuition that certain behaviors are wrong because they are unnatural. We perceive intuitively that the natural sex partner of a human is another human, not an animal.
The same reasoning applies to the case of homosexual behavior. The natural sex partner for a man is a woman, and the natural sex partner for a woman is a man.
http://www.catholic.com/tracts/homosexuality
The Koran has changed my life. Reading it made me islamophobic.
The thing that most clearly seperates the winners from the the losers is an arbitrary scoring system.
plainsuch : “The Koran has changed my life. Reading it made me islamophobic”. Can I use that in my next cartoon ? Please ? Please ? “Pretty please with cream on top ?” (Extra Trivia question : who’s quote is that from what movie ? )
pink-squirrel
I don’t think that word means what you think it means.
‘When I use a word, it means just what I choose it to mean — neither more nor less.’
Failure is just success rounded down
(Shamelessly stolen from quantz.com)
“Sometimes you can put several words together. And punctuate to make them seem profound.”
Aya
AFAIK I said it all by myself and I’m extremely flattered that you would repeat it. Of course you have my premission. The more repetition the better.
pink squirrel
‘ I know you think you understand what you thought I said but I’m not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant’
The delightful Lewis Carroll vs. William Goldman duel notwithstanding, I am appalled at the depth to which the C&B circlejerk has sunk. You guys understand the irony of being pseudo-satirical about pseudo-profundity when a good third of you doesn’t seem to understand the quotes and sayings they are trying to make fun of, right? I mean… this sounds so much like woo morons agreeing with each other about the silliness of atheists, I cannot tell whether it’s funny in its own way or just sad…
OK
‘fess up
Who pissed in FreeFox’s corn flakes?
“As you wish”, FreeFox. “Why the serious face?” “Today is the first day of the rest of my life” and “each and every day I will be better in every way.” I shall “endeaver to persevere.” Remembering that “the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.” As General Custer said in his penultimate quote*, “Hurrah Boys! Let’s get these last few reds then head on back to camp. Hurrah!” But,”Everything is obvious after you understand it.”
*The next quote was, “Where did all these damn indians come from?” Genocide: “It isn’t as easy as it looks.”
plainsuch, I’m extremely thankful you letting me use your quote 🙂 , but also extremely disappointed that you didn’t know the reference of the movie quote I made 🙁 !
FreeFox : WTF ????
NOTE: This comments section is provided as a friendly place for readers of J&M to talk, to exchange jokes and ideas, to engage in profound philosophical discussion, and to ridicule the sincerely held beliefs of millions.
Good to hear from you Freefox, even if you have stuck a cactus up your butt prior to your comment.
It is what it is, eh.
Aya+Hijab+Cartoon: Pulp Fiction ?
Aya
“Pretty please with cream and sugar on top.”
That was such a common saying when I was growing that I did not realize you were asking about it. I thought you were just throwing another cliche on the fire. Google seems to think it has something to do with a movie called “Pulp Fiction”. but a few decades before that it was in use as an intensifier. You could ask:
Please
Pretty Please
Pretty Please with cream and sugar on top
Pretty Please with cream, sugar and strawberries on top
Pretty Please with ice cream on top
Or some variation. More elaborate requests were potentially more persuasive. That was in a different millennium of course.
Trust the suncream
The articulation of evolution necessitates the existence of Wisdom from The Random.
Hehe, at least it rhymes.
Under the deepest layer of foamed milk too, there is coffee crying to be drunk.
Sometimes one needs to read maps backwards, to see delicious spam.
Hehe
It’s just struck me that most of the lyrics of early Yes albums were pseudo-profundities. I was a massive Yes fan in the seventies, and I still like them – but what on earth do their lyrics mean?
A couple of examples:-
On a sailing ship to no-where, leaving any place,
If the summer changed to winter, yours is no disgrace.
Close to the edge, round by the corner
Down at the end, round by a river
Seasons will pass you by
I get up, I get down
Now that it’s all over and done,
Now that you’re fine, now that we’re whole.
I always thought that
‘If the summer changed to winter, yours is no disgrace.’
was something about some survivors not being responsible for a nuclear winter’
maybe there was a Yes version of the Deepak random phrase generator
I note that as soon as you go to :
http://www.catholic.com/tracts/homosexuality
it flashes up a donation request
Aya+Hijab+Cartoon,
Please ? Please ? “Pretty please with cream on top ?”
I think that quote’s from the movie “Boogie Nights”?
A few more:
“Time is what keeps everything from happening at once”
“Religion is what keeps the poor from murdering the rich”
And perhaps the most profound of all:
“The woods are lovely, dark and deep, but i have miles to go before I sleep”.
martin_z, it seems to me that there was a substantial change in the lyrics of popular music sometime around the 1950s and 60s, with the advent of rock. I’m not sure how to characterize it, but the simplest way might be to say that before the change, lyrics generally tried to make some sort of sense, while afterwards they were often deliberately obscure — evocative rather than narrative. Compare for example your Yes lyrics with the lyrics of any Frank Sinatra song. In addition, it became much less important for the lyrics of a song to be clearly discernible. Using Sinatra again as an example, you can almost always hear the words he sings quite clearly. In contrast, making out the words in rock era popular music is often very difficult. I’m not any sort of expert on popular songs of any era, and I’m sure this could be said better, but it does seem to me that the change I’m talking about is real, and interesting.
Also, I thought I would mention this amusing story about how Born to Run almost became an official “unofficial” state song of New Jersey, until someone bothered to read the lyrics.
“It doesn’t matter if you don’t believe in God; He believes in you….”
Atheists are gods gift to mankind.
Re the change in lyrics, I have the feeling that it coincided with the increase in popularity of LSD. Blurred minds, blurred speech, very psychedelic you know. Mensch, speaking about Yes, how I loved Roger Deans covers! (and still do)
“Pretty please with sugar on top” : Pulp Fiction. Quote by “The Wolf”, played by the magnificent Harvey Keitel (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wWmRTjLRMfU).
Wish I was an English muffin, about to make the most out of a toaster.
re lyrics and psychotropics
I suspect they went together too. I remember rock concerts ending with a cloud of (illegal) smoke filling the room. Gives you that same bemused impression that, at some abstract level, the lyrics have great meaning. The same impression the good psuedo-profundities give me. Expanding on that, alcohol drinkers prefer simple easy to follow lyrics. And perhaps the atonal rapid staccato of Rap music was supported by an audience using crack cocaine or meth.
Failure to persevere is just persevering at failure.
It takes a strong will to submit completely.
Hey. re smoking pyschotropics. Deepak Chopra’s “Seven Spiritual Laws of Success” perfectly fit an audience of habitual weed smokers. Yes, the true road to success is to be found gazing hazily into a corner of the room while having good intentions. (http://www.chopra.com/sslos) As Ayn Rand never said out loud,”There’s good money to be made affirming the pre-existing lifestyles of your suckers.”
The longest road stretches from dawn to dusk.
The magnitude of the Universe proves the magnanimity of God.
There are two kinds of person in the world; those who think there are two kinds of person in the world and those who don’t.
Never, in the field of human persiflage, has so little, been said by so many, for so long.
1 + 0’s
That which is, is.
There was, there is, there will be.
Reality is.
Reality is real, that which is unreal is not, the difference is clear.
Out of 100,000,000,000 humans ever born only seven milliards live. Being human is a 97% fatal condition.
Matter matters.
If there are gods then gods exist, this suffices.
When there is Time, there was once a now.
“The universe began, many people think this was a mistake.” (Bonus points for book and author.)
In Biology there are no green and pink striped giraffes. Humans could remedy this.
Had cats thumbs they would no longer need humans to open cans.
Robots should work.
“If you want to live make sure it isn’t.” John’s third law of fiddling with the mains.
“There are evil forces afoot.”
“Why are there always evil forces afoot?”
“Have you ever seen an evil force? They are lousy fliers.” (More points for book, characters and author.)
Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana.
Adding to it can make it smaller if you add less than nothing.
I don’t even eat spam.
I’ve never been a vegetarian but I sometimes am a humanitarian.
Were vampires real could they walk on the Moon? During the day? Under Earthlight? Without a suit?
Has anyone ever hunkered up?
When you are beside yourself with emotion, which side are you on and on which side is the emotion? Which you is you and which is beside you? Besides you who else is there?
There is room enough for the room and everything rooming in it, or so it is rumoured.
Had the universe never existed, what would be would not have.
What will possibly be might be if that future eventuates and might not should it not, that’s probability. Probably.
Natural law: anything I find comfortable, usual and acceptable.
Unnatural: anything I find odd, uncomfortable, icky or disturbing.
Normal: me.
Abnormal: you.
Paranormal: any you I don’t really understand.
Milton Keynes: something no one, not even Milton Keynes will ever understand.
wrinkel42
There are 10 kinds of people; those who understand binary and those who don’t.
Megalomania is just another word for believing in your self.
There a two kinds of megalomaniacs in this world: those who think they are Napoleon, and those who deny they are Napoleon.
There a two kinds of megalomaniacs in this world: Charles Koch, David Koch and Kim Jong-un.
42
so some people smoke herbal substances, which cause visual and audible hallucinations and may induce psychosis
while others believe in ‘god’
“Pseduo-profundities are phrases that *sound* clever or wise, but are actually really trivial or obvious.”
I am reminded of an ad hoc existential poem scrawled by hippy squatters on the decaying wall of a decaying house on Eilan nan Ron, Sutherland, ca 1974.
“The wind has gone silent. It is better to be light than honourable”
Vanity+Unfair
You omitted the lead-in:
Neddie Seagoon (bedding down for the night) “Ahhh… That’s nice and soft.”
The Famous Eccles: “That’s ‘cos you’re lying on me”
Sometimes, the most up to date update is no update at all….
#last!
nevarmaor says:
Failure is just success rounded down
(Shamelessly stolen from quantz.com)
Well, according to most of today’s managers it is the other way around:
Success is failure rounded up.
Managers… profundity incarnate.
Those who can, do. Those who cannot, manage.
A seeing mirror sees only a seeing mirror in a mirror.
I’m having trouble judging this competition, because I didn’t make it clear that the pseudo-profundities had to be original and I don’t know which ones are. At the moment, my favourite is Redstreak’s wonderfully facile, “It is better to be happy than sad.” Did you make that up, Redstreak?
Not all ping-pong balls are black.
Thanks for the contest. It’s actually harder than it looks. I’ll obviously never be a politician. AFAIK The ones below are my own.
Megalomania is just another word for believing in your self.
The magnitude of the Universe proves the magnanimity of God.
Failure to persevere is just persevering at failure.
It takes a strong will to submit completely.
The Koran has changed my life. Reading it made me islamophobic.
The thing that most clearly separates the winners from the the losers is an arbitrary scoring system.
The coldest, darkest times in life always seem to fall right after they shut the utilities off.
Even a punctured tire is only flat on one side.
Time is money. So if you are running out of Time, just buy more.
The foolish person’s wise profundity is the wise person’s foolish triviality.
“Life is an eternity that ended a moment ago.” LL 1963
“Nine out of ten people revolve around the sun.” LL 1963
“There are no guarantees in life.” The last is a thought from within LL from decades of experiencing failed ‘guarantees’ [leading to] “When will I ever learn to stop believing…in believing?” In response to the above: The foolish person’s wise profundity may well serve the fool far better than does the wise person’s pronounced profundities serve the wise. As a fool and a drifter I know this from experience.
John B. Hodges – Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum (or ‘profundum’) viditur or the less common pharse “omnia dicta fortiora si dicta Latina” (everything said [is] stronger if said in Latin), which translates in plain English to, “Just because you can recite the dog Latin for the logical fallacies doesn’t mean you can pour piss out of a boot with directions written on the heel.” All of above is stolen–w/o remorse but a thank you–from Wikipedia & rationalwiki.
“Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.”
“you can only piss with the cock you’ve got”
The pants that can be pants are not the eternal pants.
Wherever you go, there you are.
“Using Sinatra again as an example, you can almost always hear the words he sings quite clearly. In contrast, making out the words in rock era popular music is often very difficult.”
It’s called “aging.”
Welcome to it.
Please don’t shoot the messenger.