Man, I’m so bored I’d even welcome JW’s at the door.
They haven’t called on me for years. I don’t know if it’s because they are now exclusively doing passive witnessing on the street with their display stand of tracts, or if my address is on a ‘no-go’ list…
…Last time they called, I kept them talking for at least 45 minutes until they begged leave saying they were only supposed to spend a short time at each door.
It was only after they left that I realised my fly had been open the whole time. Oops!
Oops! I forgot to select my name when I posted a comment about being so bored that I would welcome JW’s. Does that mean it will have vanished entirely or might it eventually appear as an ‘anonymous’ post?
Either I have my stupid-head on today (quite possible), or my web-browser has forgotten the name and email address against which I have posted in the past.
Very clever. We were all expecting the last frame to be the boys congratulating themselves on the efficacy of prayer, despite the fact that the barmaid is 99.9999% certain to arrive with the beer. The surprise from the door makes it even funnier and gives another bunch of superstitious loonies a walk-on part (well, metaphorically-speaking, of course, as we didn’t actually see them).
Speaking of the JWs, A.J. Jacobs, in his masterful book “The Year of Living Biblically” talks about how he has “just done something few human beings have ever achieved. I have out-Bible-talked a Jehovah’s Witness.” (p. 77)
Years ago Jehovah’s witlesses and Mormons used to come round. I decided it would be fun to make them listen to me recite, Frank Zappa’s “Dumb All Over”, from memory, as an a capella rap. They stopped coming.
The last climactic lines of the song are:
So if we’re dumb, the god is dumb!
And maybe a little ugly in the side.
I haven’t been approached by a JW in nearly a decade, and usually just send them on their way and close the door.
In the unlikely event they do show up, I’ll just cough and wheeze messily in their direction and see how quickly they run like hell. More entertaining than a video game.
We have a fairly active JW congregation in our small community. They paid me a visit in the usual fashion late last fall. It was an older man and a young boy, perhaps 10 y/o. I asked them in and shared with them some pages from a scrap book I have assembled over the years.
The first page of the scrapbook is a photo of six ancient gods with a brief bio of each. Horus 3000 BC, born of a virgin December 25th, 12 Disciples, star in the east visited by 3 Kings; Attis 1200 BC born of a virgin, crucified, resurrected 3 days later, then Mithra 1200 BC, Krishna, Dionysus etc all with bios similar to Jesus Christ.
The older man sat with a look of confusion, but the young boy was totally focused as I explained to him that Christianity and its variants, including Jehovah’s Witness is a religion cobbled together from parts of many religions that came thousands of years before it, modified to fit the times; and that this is the case with all religions.
When they left I sensed this young boys life had changed. Kids often have an innate sense of when they are being lied to and when someone is being truthful. Rather than disrespecting these door to door preachers sometimes you can make a difference by challenging them. And it is kind of fun.
I have long felt that the correct way to respond to a direct approach is: When they introduce themselves as a JW, a Mormon, or whatever, tell them that you can help them with their problem – but they have to be willing to be helped. Unfortunately, since I thought of it, the only time I was doorstepped by a JW, they caught me at an awkward moment (don’t they always!) so I did not have the time to put that strategy into practice, and just gave them the FO, as most people do.
Evidently Forteatwo thought of this before me and actually carried it out. Hats off to him/her. Next time they’re in the old Cock & Bull pub, have a pot of Earl Grey on me.
SoG, here is the link to the photo alluded to in the prior post: http://loltheists.com/?p=778
Many of you have no doubt seen it but if you have not, check it out. It is a powerful visual statement and potent ammunition against righteous door to door salesmen.
My favorite memory of JWs goes back more than 50 years.
My father was a greenhouse farmer, and in those days the children had to help out.
In high summer daytime temps could go over 40 degrees C (= 104 F).
Those circumstances are acceptable for light work, if used to, very lightly dressed to allow sweat freely evaporating for cooling, and drinking enough to be able to sweat profusely.
One of those days a middle aged couple with a younger daughter came by “to bring the happy message” (that happened at least once a month)
My mother had grown tired of them; and acted the docile wifey. Told them to discuss it with her husband, and he would choose for the whole family. She pointed them to the greenhouse.
Yes, they were fully dressed up.
Upon seeing them coming, my father looked at me and my brothers, pointed to our drink, and shook his head.
Being raised as (grand-)children of a RK churchmaster, we were rather well versed in biblical knowledge, and were specifically interessed in its juicy parts and internal contradictions.
We kept them going for some 45 minutes, till WE (used to and dressed for the circumstances) were really longing for a drink.
Need I add that it was the last JW visit that I am aware of?
And yes, all of us converted to atheism within a few years.
I became anathema to the JW’s. Two knocked on my door one Sat morn. An old guy and young padawan. The padawan made the mistake of asking why I was atheist. Well with an invitation like that I then spent the next 15-20min filling that young guy’s head with as many atheist, evolutionary and just scientific mindworms I possibly could.
As they left the old one gave his padawan a look which said ‘wait till I get you back to the hall’.
Well for about a decade after I would see and hear them do the neighbours the folks across the road and leave us blissfully alone. Here be dragons, there be the AntiChrist.
Then they forgot and two middle aged female JW’s interrupted my preparations for a run. One accused me of answering the door in my nightwear. I had to put her right. My scientific patter sadly went right over their heads, they were a dead loss. They were doing the house on the corner as I ran past them, proving us atheists do not lie about our intentions.
Jesus & Mo (the characters) are absurd, blinkered, and oddly very sweet. J&M (the cartoon) is brilliant: sharp, delicious, irresistible. Salman Rushdie
Jesus and Mo cartoons are wonderfully funny and true. Richard Dawkins
Jesus and Mo make the world a better place, bless their little hearts. Ophelia Benson
In a world defined by outrage and offence and liberal spinelessness, Jesus and Mo is a treasure, whose value we should never fail to recognize. Read them. Laugh. And think. Kenan Malik
The brilliant, celebrated, freaking hilarious atheist comic strip ... Greta Christina
...rays of sanity in a befuddled world. Keri Hulme
The liveliest depictions of Muhammad currently available... Malise Ruthven
J & Mo is the funniest and most consistently thought-provoking cartoon strip on the Net. In a saner world, it would run in a major newspaper. Nelson Jones, Heresy Corner
Consistently amusing, frequently thought-provoking and often heart-warming. New Humanist
Jesus & Mo is one of the most wonderful things on the internet.. JT Eberhard
Wittily captures much of the absurdity of religious apologetics. Mano Singham
I love jesusandmo.net cartoons - witty and sharp! Katha Pollitt
Often hilarious, frequently wry, these cartoons do what all the best cartoons do: they tell the truth through humour. Terry Sanderson, NSS President
...a wonderfully acid British cartoonist... Nick Cohen
I love the scrappy mockery of Jesus and Mo. Freedom of speech
includes the freedom to mock any person, any thing, any activity, and
any belief -- and J&M stands up for this unflinchingly Richard Stallman
...empowering, important and deeply progressive, not to mention hilarious... Council of Ex-Muslims
Misspelled in the last frame: should be “witlesses”. ?
Genuine misspelling in frame 3; “thanks“ should be “thank”, or maybe you meant “thanks be to..”
Thanks, MarkyWarky. Not a misspelling though, just a missing comma.
*Jehovah’s. They maintain He’s very particular about His name.
Man, I’m so bored I’d even welcome JW’s at the door.
They haven’t called on me for years. I don’t know if it’s because they are now exclusively doing passive witnessing on the street with their display stand of tracts, or if my address is on a ‘no-go’ list…
…Last time they called, I kept them talking for at least 45 minutes until they begged leave saying they were only supposed to spend a short time at each door.
It was only after they left that I realised my fly had been open the whole time. Oops!
Oops! I forgot to select my name when I posted a comment about being so bored that I would welcome JW’s. Does that mean it will have vanished entirely or might it eventually appear as an ‘anonymous’ post?
Either I have my stupid-head on today (quite possible), or my web-browser has forgotten the name and email address against which I have posted in the past.
Very clever. We were all expecting the last frame to be the boys congratulating themselves on the efficacy of prayer, despite the fact that the barmaid is 99.9999% certain to arrive with the beer. The surprise from the door makes it even funnier and gives another bunch of superstitious loonies a walk-on part (well, metaphorically-speaking, of course, as we didn’t actually see them).
God damn, your stuff just keeps getting funnier and more relevant each week. I cant wait for the next one! THANK YOU!
The JW’s are probably exempt from the lockdown due to “Pyramid power”
Good to see the Barmaid once more making an appearance, although a bit more off-stage than usual, and unfortunately not with any lines to say.
Ah well, maybe next week?
Speaking of the JWs, A.J. Jacobs, in his masterful book “The Year of Living Biblically” talks about how he has “just done something few human beings have ever achieved. I have out-Bible-talked a Jehovah’s Witness.” (p. 77)
Hahaha they called on me a few months back. I was very…direct.
Years ago Jehovah’s witlesses and Mormons used to come round. I decided it would be fun to make them listen to me recite, Frank Zappa’s “Dumb All Over”, from memory, as an a capella rap. They stopped coming.
The last climactic lines of the song are:
So if we’re dumb, the god is dumb!
And maybe a little ugly in the side.
I haven’t been approached by a JW in nearly a decade, and usually just send them on their way and close the door.
In the unlikely event they do show up, I’ll just cough and wheeze messily in their direction and see how quickly they run like hell. More entertaining than a video game.
In response to Cliff
We see Jesus, Mo and Moses, but not the barmaid. Perhaps She is D-G, for which reason She is never shown.
More likely the author can’t draw women.
We see Jesus, Mo and Moses, but not the barmaid. Perhaps She is D-G, for which reason She is never shown.
More likely the author can’t draw women.
We have a fairly active JW congregation in our small community. They paid me a visit in the usual fashion late last fall. It was an older man and a young boy, perhaps 10 y/o. I asked them in and shared with them some pages from a scrap book I have assembled over the years.
The first page of the scrapbook is a photo of six ancient gods with a brief bio of each. Horus 3000 BC, born of a virgin December 25th, 12 Disciples, star in the east visited by 3 Kings; Attis 1200 BC born of a virgin, crucified, resurrected 3 days later, then Mithra 1200 BC, Krishna, Dionysus etc all with bios similar to Jesus Christ.
The older man sat with a look of confusion, but the young boy was totally focused as I explained to him that Christianity and its variants, including Jehovah’s Witness is a religion cobbled together from parts of many religions that came thousands of years before it, modified to fit the times; and that this is the case with all religions.
When they left I sensed this young boys life had changed. Kids often have an innate sense of when they are being lied to and when someone is being truthful. Rather than disrespecting these door to door preachers sometimes you can make a difference by challenging them. And it is kind of fun.
Forteatwo’s story reminds me:
I have long felt that the correct way to respond to a direct approach is: When they introduce themselves as a JW, a Mormon, or whatever, tell them that you can help them with their problem – but they have to be willing to be helped. Unfortunately, since I thought of it, the only time I was doorstepped by a JW, they caught me at an awkward moment (don’t they always!) so I did not have the time to put that strategy into practice, and just gave them the FO, as most people do.
Evidently Forteatwo thought of this before me and actually carried it out. Hats off to him/her. Next time they’re in the old Cock & Bull pub, have a pot of Earl Grey on me.
SoG, here is the link to the photo alluded to in the prior post: http://loltheists.com/?p=778
Many of you have no doubt seen it but if you have not, check it out. It is a powerful visual statement and potent ammunition against righteous door to door salesmen.
Forteatwo: Thank you for that link. Make that a pot of Earl Grey with little sandwiches, scones and sweet biscuits!
My favorite memory of JWs goes back more than 50 years.
My father was a greenhouse farmer, and in those days the children had to help out.
In high summer daytime temps could go over 40 degrees C (= 104 F).
Those circumstances are acceptable for light work, if used to, very lightly dressed to allow sweat freely evaporating for cooling, and drinking enough to be able to sweat profusely.
One of those days a middle aged couple with a younger daughter came by “to bring the happy message” (that happened at least once a month)
My mother had grown tired of them; and acted the docile wifey. Told them to discuss it with her husband, and he would choose for the whole family. She pointed them to the greenhouse.
Yes, they were fully dressed up.
Upon seeing them coming, my father looked at me and my brothers, pointed to our drink, and shook his head.
Being raised as (grand-)children of a RK churchmaster, we were rather well versed in biblical knowledge, and were specifically interessed in its juicy parts and internal contradictions.
We kept them going for some 45 minutes, till WE (used to and dressed for the circumstances) were really longing for a drink.
Need I add that it was the last JW visit that I am aware of?
And yes, all of us converted to atheism within a few years.
Great story, Dr. John! Just one thing–what does RK mean?
2ct:
RK = Rooms-Katholiek = Roman Catholic
Moses won’t say “G-d” in full, but he’ll say “Jehovah”?
I became anathema to the JW’s. Two knocked on my door one Sat morn. An old guy and young padawan. The padawan made the mistake of asking why I was atheist. Well with an invitation like that I then spent the next 15-20min filling that young guy’s head with as many atheist, evolutionary and just scientific mindworms I possibly could.
As they left the old one gave his padawan a look which said ‘wait till I get you back to the hall’.
Well for about a decade after I would see and hear them do the neighbours the folks across the road and leave us blissfully alone. Here be dragons, there be the AntiChrist.
Then they forgot and two middle aged female JW’s interrupted my preparations for a run. One accused me of answering the door in my nightwear. I had to put her right. My scientific patter sadly went right over their heads, they were a dead loss. They were doing the house on the corner as I ran past them, proving us atheists do not lie about our intentions.