Julie Ann from ‘Jules Smiles- Young Freethinker’ (the name of my blog) would still like to be the barkeep and Id like to submit an idea related first to Michael Phelps and also a freedom of speach case in Alaska a few years ago. Love the series!!!!! BTW Keep up the great work ~SMILES~
~JULES~
I think Jesus might be mixing up the “real” calendar and the Jewish one. Six thousand sounds about right if you buy the rest of the literal story. (The speed of light used to be faster, too.)
/snark
No, no — See, God can do anything, so 5000 years ago he made all of it at once, including billions of years of astronomical and geological history. He made fossils
hundreds of thousand years old when he made them 5000 years ago! See? He made the stars old and far away so His light would not blind us! See? Having fucked with us that much already (for fun I guess, to show us how stupid and gullible we are, even though He made us), He put a great big load of incomprehensible FUTURE in the Bible without attaching any dates. Well, I’ve got a .38 under my pillow, so I don’t care when the war starts, I can shoot the demons as they come out of the–ahem–closet.
Now, to be honest, I got this explanation from my father (biological) when I was
a wee lad. His lecture started, “Hey, If God could make all this crap [sic], there’s no reason He couldn’t create time in any form he wanted.” Made sense to me.
The earth IS only 6,000 years old.
6,000 PLANET years.
And as JTG has been so kind as to point out, a planet year is about 600,000 human years.
So y’see, everybody’s right.
I want to plant something and see how long it takes to spread around the internerd as fact;
The earth is a rock. Whilst the surface varies it’s generally agreed that underneath it’s bloody hot. And bloody dark.
As is hell.
It is also generally agreed by the enlightened ones that Old Nick lives “down below”.
Since space is neither up nor down we can safely assume that to mean he lives underground – where it’s hot and dark, just like hell.
Geology is the study of the earth from the inside out. Effectively then, Geology is the study of hell.
Is it then safe to assume that geology is a tool of the devil, to make it seem as if the earth is really older than it is?
Now just sit back and wait for someone on here to say that they’ve heard that in an argument once 😀
Having read geological and geophysical journals for longer than I care to remember I think I can honestly say, without fear of contradiction, definitively and categorically, no prevarication or sidestepping the issue, no beating around the bush, that that stunning theory originated with you.
You are absolutely correct about the heat and darkness. It is always very dark when you are encased in solid rock.
I see a Nobel in combined Geology and Theology coming your way very soon. That will be an absolute first (and on the plus side is worth twice as much cash !!). Result.
You could probably rephrase your sentence “Geology is the study of hell” as “hell is the study of geology”. Works for me.
To date we have never found a date stamp anywhere undergound saying “TYPE C PLANET – MADE BY DOG – 6,000,000,000 BC (GIVE OR TAKE)”. We do look but it is proving elusive. As elusive as finding common sense in a fucking creationist dingbat.
Julie Ann,
I am willing for you to be the barmaid, but it’s the Author’s cartoon. Why not post your picture and let the readers vote and then we’ll see what the author does. Or, perhaps if you establish a cult over the weekend you can join the cartoon alongside Jesus, Mo, and Moses (instead of being the barmaid).
Poor Richard. Your answer reminded me of Bill Hicks- the only reasonable conclusion is that Gid is fucking with our heads- a jester God. He found that a scary prospect- but at least it asnwers the whole “problem of evil” worry. God isn’t so much evil as a bit of an adolescent jerk.
Pity the poor believers who look forward to an eternity in the company of their awful god.
Those ancients may have designed their god successfully from the perspective of getting people to believe in their creation, but even Frankenstein’s monster is more aesthetically pleasing.
Daoloth, that was sort of my first posulate to the meaning of GOD. A freaking nerdy kid trying to do a science fair project in GOD school. I think he got suspension and a good paddling. He didn’t throw away the experiment his Mom just hid it in the attic which is where we have been ever since.
They explain the apparent age of the cosmos by ‘believing’ that light must have slowed down by a factor of 300 in the last 10,000 years or so. They have no evidence to support this, but neither has anyone any evidence to refute it. If only some prophet would come along and open their eyes so that they could come into a state of knowledge and the responsibility that goes with it.
I remember watching this documentary http://www.tvdox.com/prog_EBB.html
in which these scientists were claiming that the speed of light has got slower over time. But why would it matter?
John the Geo: when Mark Twain, traveling abroad, saw those mysterious clams up at 5000 feet, he opined that it wasn’t a problem– obviously the clams had gone up there to enjoy the scenery.
MrGronk: Hey, as the lady said to Jay Gould, “You’re a very clever fellow, young man, but it’s turtles all the way down!”
OK, so it seems that I am not the first to want to be the barmaid on Jesus and Mo. Ophelia Benson had asked before I did and so I decided to be reasonable and compare notes so here it goes. The barkeep has to be “Pamela Anderson, only with brains” according to Cagliostro. OK. Scores- Timing: Ophelia- 10. Julie Ann-5. Pamela-0. Looks: Ophelia- ? I dont know cuz Butterflies and Wheels didnt have a pic I could find. so I’ll say-8. Julie Ann-8 I’m cute but not a knockout sorry guys. Pamela-10. Brains: Ophelia- 10. Julie Ann-4 ok I’m almost 24 and didn’t go to college give me a break ;). Pamela-0. Totals: Ophelia 28. Me 17. Pamela 10. I think Ophelia wins. That’s OK with Jules. BTW my pic is on my blog 🙂 ~SMILES~ ~Jules Smiles- Young Freethinker~
Mad prankster planting fake evidence on mountain tops, fair enough, who can argue with that. So what did He do to fake the cosmological redshift and the CMBR? I am sure that there are Great Thinkers in cyberspace who have dedicated their lives (ok an afternoon) to unravelling these Mysteries, but I can’t be arsed to google them…
PJ- they give the same answer to whether Adam had a navel. Martin Gardner has a good book on it. Basic issue- did Adam have a navel? If yes- how? He was never born. If no- then he was not “perfect” and like us (??). Answer that theologians came to- God made it all as an ongoing concern- thus rings in trees that never grew, sugar in blood for animals that never ate food, CBGR that sounded as if the universe was made 15BYA etc. Advantage- your theory can’t be overturned by pesky ol evidence. Disadvantge- well, you know this already- saying “magic man did it” makes your theory vapid, vacuous and unfalsifiable.
I didn’t ask; I never. No, other people suggested it, and I giggled and blushed becomingly and said I didn’t know. But author never denied it – and the whispers spread – so as time went on, I began to think it might be true. When asked directly, I of course said I would never dream of denying it; I get much gratifed vanity from the rumour, whether it’s true or not.
Children know that the human navel is where God pokes you when “you’re done.”
I, however, believe it to be an input receptacle so God could add stuff later. So Adam had one, sure. Eve’s was so cute, though, God left it alone so it could be passed along to future generations of navel contemplators.
About two years ago I mentioned a barmaid I knew, and one of you bloggers tried to make an item out of Ophelia and me. Well, forget it; I am WAY too old for her.
Hi all, I have just this second caught up with 4 years of J&Mo!! I loved every strip! Please keep it up author, I will be buying the latest book as soon as I have the money!
It is based on Isaiah 30:26 which claims Heaven is seven multiplied by seven plus one (50) times brighter than sunlight here, with the result that Heaven is calculated to be 525ºC.
Most of the Muslim people I know don’t have a problem with an ‘old’ Earth. They believe dinosaurs lived separately from humans and Earth existed long before the humans came. What I can’t understand is, then why do they think evolution is a hoax? It makes me wonder.
I’ve been a fan of Jesus & Mo for a while now. It’s my first post 🙂
By the way, I know this is a bit old, but I made a kind of tribute to the atheist buses. Check my website (on my name).
Jesus & Mo (the characters) are absurd, blinkered, and oddly very sweet. J&M (the cartoon) is brilliant: sharp, delicious, irresistible. Salman Rushdie
Jesus and Mo cartoons are wonderfully funny and true. Richard Dawkins
Jesus and Mo make the world a better place, bless their little hearts. Ophelia Benson
In a world defined by outrage and offence and liberal spinelessness, Jesus and Mo is a treasure, whose value we should never fail to recognize. Read them. Laugh. And think. Kenan Malik
The brilliant, celebrated, freaking hilarious atheist comic strip ... Greta Christina
...rays of sanity in a befuddled world. Keri Hulme
The liveliest depictions of Muhammad currently available... Malise Ruthven
J & Mo is the funniest and most consistently thought-provoking cartoon strip on the Net. In a saner world, it would run in a major newspaper. Nelson Jones, Heresy Corner
Consistently amusing, frequently thought-provoking and often heart-warming. New Humanist
Jesus & Mo is one of the most wonderful things on the internet.. JT Eberhard
Wittily captures much of the absurdity of religious apologetics. Mano Singham
I love jesusandmo.net cartoons - witty and sharp! Katha Pollitt
Often hilarious, frequently wry, these cartoons do what all the best cartoons do: they tell the truth through humour. Terry Sanderson, NSS President
...a wonderfully acid British cartoonist... Nick Cohen
I love the scrappy mockery of Jesus and Mo. Freedom of speech
includes the freedom to mock any person, any thing, any activity, and
any belief -- and J&M stands up for this unflinchingly Richard Stallman
...empowering, important and deeply progressive, not to mention hilarious... Council of Ex-Muslims
November 19, 2009
Julie Ann from ‘Jules Smiles- Young Freethinker’ (the name of my blog) would still like to be the barkeep and Id like to submit an idea related first to Michael Phelps and also a freedom of speach case in Alaska a few years ago. Love the series!!!!! BTW Keep up the great work ~SMILES~
~JULES~
I have actually heard this response before. Haha.
I think Jesus might be mixing up the “real” calendar and the Jewish one. Six thousand sounds about right if you buy the rest of the literal story. (The speed of light used to be faster, too.)
/snark
No, no — See, God can do anything, so 5000 years ago he made all of it at once, including billions of years of astronomical and geological history. He made fossils
hundreds of thousand years old when he made them 5000 years ago! See? He made the stars old and far away so His light would not blind us! See? Having fucked with us that much already (for fun I guess, to show us how stupid and gullible we are, even though He made us), He put a great big load of incomprehensible FUTURE in the Bible without attaching any dates. Well, I’ve got a .38 under my pillow, so I don’t care when the war starts, I can shoot the demons as they come out of the–ahem–closet.
Now, to be honest, I got this explanation from my father (biological) when I was
a wee lad. His lecture started, “Hey, If God could make all this crap [sic], there’s no reason He couldn’t create time in any form he wanted.” Made sense to me.
Indeed. “Give or take”.
Give or take common sense, science and an abundance of physical evidence that it is in fact slightly older (by a factor of about 600,000 times).
Fucking halfwits.
The truth is out there.
Ahhhh… the speed of light… it ain’t what it used to be….
Richard
My jehovahs witless relatives used to tell me that dog put fossils high up in the Alps as proof of his omnipotent power.
If I was that powerful I wouldn’t be arsed.
I would hide beer or sweets underground.
The earth IS only 6,000 years old.
6,000 PLANET years.
And as JTG has been so kind as to point out, a planet year is about 600,000 human years.
So y’see, everybody’s right.
I want to plant something and see how long it takes to spread around the internerd as fact;
The earth is a rock. Whilst the surface varies it’s generally agreed that underneath it’s bloody hot. And bloody dark.
As is hell.
It is also generally agreed by the enlightened ones that Old Nick lives “down below”.
Since space is neither up nor down we can safely assume that to mean he lives underground – where it’s hot and dark, just like hell.
Geology is the study of the earth from the inside out. Effectively then, Geology is the study of hell.
Is it then safe to assume that geology is a tool of the devil, to make it seem as if the earth is really older than it is?
Now just sit back and wait for someone on here to say that they’ve heard that in an argument once 😀
r00db00y
Having read geological and geophysical journals for longer than I care to remember I think I can honestly say, without fear of contradiction, definitively and categorically, no prevarication or sidestepping the issue, no beating around the bush, that that stunning theory originated with you.
You are absolutely correct about the heat and darkness. It is always very dark when you are encased in solid rock.
I see a Nobel in combined Geology and Theology coming your way very soon. That will be an absolute first (and on the plus side is worth twice as much cash !!). Result.
You could probably rephrase your sentence “Geology is the study of hell” as “hell is the study of geology”. Works for me.
To date we have never found a date stamp anywhere undergound saying “TYPE C PLANET – MADE BY DOG – 6,000,000,000 BC (GIVE OR TAKE)”. We do look but it is proving elusive. As elusive as finding common sense in a fucking creationist dingbat.
Julie Ann,
I am willing for you to be the barmaid, but it’s the Author’s cartoon. Why not post your picture and let the readers vote and then we’ll see what the author does. Or, perhaps if you establish a cult over the weekend you can join the cartoon alongside Jesus, Mo, and Moses (instead of being the barmaid).
Poor Richard. Your answer reminded me of Bill Hicks- the only reasonable conclusion is that Gid is fucking with our heads- a jester God. He found that a scary prospect- but at least it asnwers the whole “problem of evil” worry. God isn’t so much evil as a bit of an adolescent jerk.
Pity the poor believers who look forward to an eternity in the company of their awful god.
Those ancients may have designed their god successfully from the perspective of getting people to believe in their creation, but even Frankenstein’s monster is more aesthetically pleasing.
Daoloth, that was sort of my first posulate to the meaning of GOD. A freaking nerdy kid trying to do a science fair project in GOD school. I think he got suspension and a good paddling. He didn’t throw away the experiment his Mom just hid it in the attic which is where we have been ever since.
They explain the apparent age of the cosmos by ‘believing’ that light must have slowed down by a factor of 300 in the last 10,000 years or so. They have no evidence to support this, but neither has anyone any evidence to refute it. If only some prophet would come along and open their eyes so that they could come into a state of knowledge and the responsibility that goes with it.
Jmo- its what woody Allen said all along- the worst thing that can be said about God is that he’s basically an under-achiever
I remember watching this documentary
http://www.tvdox.com/prog_EBB.html
in which these scientists were claiming that the speed of light has got slower over time. But why would it matter?
The earth may be only 6000 years old, but the tortoise upon which it is perched is definitely way older.
The speed of light? Everyone knows it’s faster than the speed of sound.
This is why many so people look intelligent until you hear them speak.
And the universe is 6,000 years old?
Christ, I’ve got jokes older than that.
John the Geo: when Mark Twain, traveling abroad, saw those mysterious clams up at 5000 feet, he opined that it wasn’t a problem– obviously the clams had gone up there to enjoy the scenery.
MrGronk: Hey, as the lady said to Jay Gould, “You’re a very clever fellow, young man, but it’s turtles all the way down!”
OK, so it seems that I am not the first to want to be the barmaid on Jesus and Mo. Ophelia Benson had asked before I did and so I decided to be reasonable and compare notes so here it goes. The barkeep has to be “Pamela Anderson, only with brains” according to Cagliostro. OK. Scores- Timing: Ophelia- 10. Julie Ann-5. Pamela-0. Looks: Ophelia- ? I dont know cuz Butterflies and Wheels didnt have a pic I could find. so I’ll say-8. Julie Ann-8 I’m cute but not a knockout sorry guys. Pamela-10. Brains: Ophelia- 10. Julie Ann-4 ok I’m almost 24 and didn’t go to college give me a break ;). Pamela-0. Totals: Ophelia 28. Me 17. Pamela 10. I think Ophelia wins. That’s OK with Jules. BTW my pic is on my blog 🙂 ~SMILES~ ~Jules Smiles- Young Freethinker~
Mad prankster planting fake evidence on mountain tops, fair enough, who can argue with that. So what did He do to fake the cosmological redshift and the CMBR? I am sure that there are Great Thinkers in cyberspace who have dedicated their lives (ok an afternoon) to unravelling these Mysteries, but I can’t be arsed to google them…
PJ- they give the same answer to whether Adam had a navel. Martin Gardner has a good book on it. Basic issue- did Adam have a navel? If yes- how? He was never born. If no- then he was not “perfect” and like us (??). Answer that theologians came to- God made it all as an ongoing concern- thus rings in trees that never grew, sugar in blood for animals that never ate food, CBGR that sounded as if the universe was made 15BYA etc. Advantage- your theory can’t be overturned by pesky ol evidence. Disadvantge- well, you know this already- saying “magic man did it” makes your theory vapid, vacuous and unfalsifiable.
I didn’t ask; I never. No, other people suggested it, and I giggled and blushed becomingly and said I didn’t know. But author never denied it – and the whispers spread – so as time went on, I began to think it might be true. When asked directly, I of course said I would never dream of denying it; I get much gratifed vanity from the rumour, whether it’s true or not.
And author has still never denied it.
I suppose everyone here has read the Thermodynamics of Hell? If not, find it at http://porpax.bio.miami.edu/~cmallery/150/webstories/thermo_hell.htm
I suppose everyone here has read “The Thermodynamics of Hell? If not, see http://porpax.bio.miami.edu/~cmallery/150/webstories/thermo_hell.htm
dang edit feature will not allow deletions, and the avatar isn’t working right.
Children know that the human navel is where God pokes you when “you’re done.”
I, however, believe it to be an input receptacle so God could add stuff later. So Adam had one, sure. Eve’s was so cute, though, God left it alone so it could be passed along to future generations of navel contemplators.
About two years ago I mentioned a barmaid I knew, and one of you bloggers tried to make an item out of Ophelia and me. Well, forget it; I am WAY too old for her.
Hi all, I have just this second caught up with 4 years of J&Mo!! I loved every strip! Please keep it up author, I will be buying the latest book as soon as I have the money!
Hobbes, in return I give you: http://www.lhup.edu/~dsimanek/hell.htm
It is based on Isaiah 30:26 which claims Heaven is seven multiplied by seven plus one (50) times brighter than sunlight here, with the result that Heaven is calculated to be 525ºC.
With cataracts and melanoma for all.
And not a rare prime-rib to be found anywhere.
Most of the Muslim people I know don’t have a problem with an ‘old’ Earth. They believe dinosaurs lived separately from humans and Earth existed long before the humans came. What I can’t understand is, then why do they think evolution is a hoax? It makes me wonder.
I’ve been a fan of Jesus & Mo for a while now. It’s my first post 🙂
By the way, I know this is a bit old, but I made a kind of tribute to the atheist buses. Check my website (on my name).