Better watch out SOG or one of those septic tanks is going to boot you up the fanny or maybe insert a fawcet up your ass….and best stay on the sidewalk in case a redneck in a chevvy runs you down coz you is on the wrong side of the interstate toll…
Insulting nations with rhyming slang does not constitute a transgression of the Author’s ban of “comments of a racist, sexist or homophobic nature”.
So I can only respond in kind to the flabby tits that refer to Americans as septic tanks. And would you refer to Canucks as slimy f*cks? (In which case, as a dual citizen of both countries, I can feign offense twice. ๐ )
Son of Glenner, I generally use Brit spellings but I’m not a stickler. I actually prefer ‘humorless’ because it is consistent with its opposite, ‘humorous’ (even Brits don’t write ‘humourous’)
Laripu. I object to flabby tits…ss my pecs are very firm and musculat (if very hairy) you could refer to me as a “banjo klaxon” or “scabby skank” or what my wife uses when I transgress the unwritten law….knob-head….peace.
In any case, your embrace of rhyming slang, a cultural artifact from the East End of London, makes me skeptical (septical? ๐ ) about the merely regional pretension embodied in scabby skank. You’ve clearly absorbed other national influences. You’re both scabby and flabby.
I’m afraid I don’t know enough about the UK to understand banjo klaxon. I have a feeling I’ll be educated about that.
M27Holts, one more thing, in the interest of mutual cultural understanding:
No self respecting redneck world drive a Chevy. They’d be in a Ford F-150, a big f-in’ truck. And not the hybrid version, but the 5.0 L V8, the better to spew fumes with, as they pull their boat to wherever it is they’re fixin’ to go fishin’. The boat will be stocked with Budweiser, I expect, or worse, Bud Light.
I like using rhyming slang…Jockey’s (whips) … chips, french fries for you septics….Nuclear (sub)…pub…Battle(cruiser)…boozer. Trappist (monks)….trunks…also cultural collective nown…Doris…equivalent to aussie…Sheilah…
I would like to point out that a (large?) fraction of J+M followers are non-native anglophones.
I know in Dutch there exists street-language (which changes completely in 10-15 years); there exist many dialectic constructs & concepts that are absolutely NOT common to ABN (Algemeen Bescaafd Nederlands aka standard Dutch); even lots of words or expressions restricted to a family or small group of families.
But apart from some specialised language specialists they generate little interest.
In my view, such discussions about English side paths are of VERY little interest to the non-anglophones.
And that while I have quite some interest in language(s), their interrelations, and quirks
Well Dr John, historically it’s partly your country’s fault because English is Frisian that was mugged by Danish and raped by French. Then Yiddish and Hindi peed on it. And Welsh – well that’s just unspeakable.
Alternately, in the words of James Nicoll:
“The problem with defending the purity of the English language is that English is about as pure as a cribhouse whore. We donโt just borrow words; on occasion, English has pursued other languages down alleyways to beat them unconscious and rifle their pockets for new vocabulary.”
And the English themselves deserve some historical blame. Had they not expanded to an empire they might still own their own tongue. As it is, the variants have reasonable claims to dominance. According to Wikipedia, fifty-nine countries have English as an official language.
It’s so messy and complicated,” said Aymann Ismail, who wrote about his difficult dilemma as a faithful Muslim surrounding plant-based pork.
“I spent my whole life avoiding pork, and now I kind of have… I’m putting in air quotes… an acceptable pork product that I can eat,” he told Mary Hynes on CBC Radio’s Tapestry. “How does that change my relationship to pork?”
I grew up in a Jewish household, where my father was atheist and my mother almost agnostic, but they did some traditional religious things out of a sense of group cohesion. In effect that meant: never any prayer, but adhering to kosher rules within the home.
So there was a time in which I was first exposed to non-kosher food. The first time I saw anything non-kosher was when my brother had friends over up play bridge and one brought a pizza. There was pork in the pepperoni; but also simultaneous consumption of dairy (i.e. cheese) and meat is forbidden. At that time I didn’t have any, but about a year later I had a slice of pizza myself, bought for me by a school chum. Also a hot dog wrapped in bacon, bought by the same family, at a later date.
A year after that, my brother took me to a Chinese restaurant, where squid was eaten, and other odd things I didn’t recognize. I’ve loved Chinese food ever since.
Years later, when I was old enough to take my parents out for a restaurant meal, I found that my father liked crab and my mother liked shrimp. Once they even ate pork ribs… just once.
For ultra-religious Jews who become secular, often bacon is the biggest draw. A hurdle they’re both fearful of and also expect to be outrageously good. Often they’re disappointed.
For me, coming from a secular family, bacon was never a huge draw. I eat it only two or three times a year. It’s particularly good in mofongo, a Dominican meal of pulverized plantain, as a substitute for pork skin.
As to pork in general, I find that the flavor really depends on what the pigs were fed. Cheap pork has an unpleasant flavor to me, that I call “porky”. But braised pork shanks from properly raised swine are fantastic. There was a brew pub in Tel Aviv in 2004 (now closed) that did perfect German beer and pork shanks, among other things. I agree there twice, on a business trip, and had it both times. I liked to joke that “no-one makes pork shank like the Jews!”
I grew up in a Jewish household, where my father was atheist and my mother almost agnostic, but they did some traditional religious things out of a sense of group cohesion. In effect that meant: never any prayer, but adhering to kosher rules within the home.
So there was a time in which I was first exposed to non-kosher food. The first time I saw anything non-kosher was when my brother had friends over up play bridge and one brought a pizza. There was pork in the pepperoni; but also simultaneous consumption of dairy (i.e. cheese) and meat is forbidden. At that time I didn’t have any, but about a year later I had a slice of pizza myself, bought for me by a school chum. Also a hot dog wrapped in bacon, bought by the same family, at a later date.
A year after that, my brother took me to a Chinese restaurant, where squid was eaten, and other odd things I didn’t recognize. I’ve loved Chinese food ever since.
Years later, when I was old enough to take my parents out for a restaurant meal, I found that my father liked crab and my mother liked shrimp. Once they even ate pork ribs… just once.
For ultra-religious Jews who become secular, often bacon is the biggest draw. A hurdle they’re both fearful of and also expect to be outrageously good. Often they’re disappointed.
For me, coming from a secular family, bacon was never a huge draw. I eat it only two or three times a year. It’s particularly good in mofongo, a Dominican meal of pulverized plantain, as a substitute for pork skin.
As to pork in general, I find that the flavor really depends on what the pigs were fed. Cheap pork has an unpleasant flavor to me, that I call “porky”. But braised pork shanks from properly raised swine are fantastic. There was a brew pub in Tel Aviv in 2004 (now closed) that did perfect German beer and pork shanks, among other things. I agree there twice, on a business trip, and had it both times. I liked to joke that “no-one makes pork shank like the Jews!”
I find the ludicrous rule obeying without a good reason very disturbing. Why not eat pork or shellfish? Luckily I was brought up mostly by my grandparents who were not religious until my nan got god as a sort of fad thing when she was 70, then it made no difference on the food I was cooked…even meat pie on a friday , which is forbidden in some xtian households…
Mofongo! We had a few on a visit to Puerto Rico, along with various other interesting uses of different plantains. From my point of view it’s unfortunate that it involves pork fat, but not out of any religious proscription, I just don’t eat livestock. No problem missing bacon, etc., but occasionally exceptions are made for duck.
Why the religious proscription? I think we’re pretty sure it wasn’t because some folk wisdom about trichinosis got adopted into the bible. The theory I like is that the chosen people were nomadic herders, and it would be bad news if they started acquiring a taste for bacon.
As an incorrigible pedant, and a vegan myself, should not the foodstuff you avoid be called “deadstock” rather than “livestock”? Of course some people do eat still-alive oysters, but most food animals are killed before being eaten, perhaps killed in the cooking process, eg lobsters and hedgehogs.
Before M27Holts has the chance to comment, I’ll beat him to it – perhaps I am just splitting hares.
Vegan eh? Why pick on vegetables ? And anyway what about all the arthropods you have probably eaten you savage… I am having a massive steak for my tea tonight…cooked blue….Tis my right as the apex preditor on planet earth…oh and some nice chips as well….
M27Holts: I’ve heard them all before – could you only think of six? You missed quite a few others. But I’m not going to tell you any of the ones you missed – why should I make it easy for you?
Careful swallowing that massive blue steak – you wouldn’t want to choke on it, would you?
It will melt in my mouth as I feel the blood coat my tonsils with all that iron goodness…wishful thinking…your more likely to choke on a pickled onion….haha
Donn, the original reason for the religious proscription on various foods is lost to time. Maybe there was originally a health reason. No-one really knows. All I know is that if you want to stuff casings and make sausage (and I do, occasionally), nothing beats pork casings. Lamb intestines are usable, but very narrow and fragile (but true hot-spicy Merguez is fantastic). Cow intestines are too huge and inedible.
To me there’s one command that’s just hilarious: that you can’t eat dairy and meat together. That stems from Exodus 23:19 that prohibits boiling a kid goat in it’s mother’s milk. The rabbis got hold of that one and wrung it six ways from Sunday… and it became “don’t eat any dairy, even cheese, with any flesh”. So you can’t have cheese on a chicken sandwich.
But it’s ok to eat eggs with chicken. Or dairy with eggs. Because eggs are neutral. (Technical Hebrew word is “parve”, final e pronounced. Sometimes transliterated as “pareve”.) Eggs, which are precursors to flesh, are neutral. ๐
Anyway, I find that all that very funny. Cheese and pepperoni belong on pizza. (Sometimes chicken, ham, and pineapple too, but that’s another story.)
Note that the ultra-Orthodox Jews have no concept of hell. If you do these things that are proscribed, there isn’t punishment. Their motivation goes the other way: they say that if all Jews keep all the various rules faithfully, they improve the world and hasten the coming of the messiah. They believe it’s ok for non-Jews to eat these things because they have different responsibilities. Convenient.
You see, apparently the messiah must really care about food choices. ๐
As Laripu can no doubt confirm, a 100% vegan diet is always kosher/parve. You can even get vegan pizza and there are many branded vegan imitation meats. (I’m not that keen on vegan “meats” myself.)
You can even get vegan “steaks” that would fool M27Holts. (Maybe not too difficult?)
I wonder if boiling a kid in its mother’s milk was really a thing anyway, literally speaking. Boiling milk makes a hell of a cleanup mess, and I see no obvious reason for it … but in any case, the only thing I’d normally boil is beans. Though as I mentioned not a consumer of livestock, I will eat fish or the occasional squirrel, and for me, boiling any of that or any sort of vegetable is guaranteed to make it less tasty.
So I could imagine the shrugs. Mustn’t boil the kid in its mother’s milk? OK, if you insist. That must be why the rabbis decided it wasn’t just literally about that ridiculous proposition.
SOG. You cheeky wee scots thing…I would tell a soya syeak from a 100% Aberdeen Angus steak (like that which is being slowly digested as I type) through the sights of a high powered rifle at 1500m….
I went into a restaurant lookin’ for the cook
I told them I was the editor of a famous etiquette book
The waitress, he was handsome, he wore a powder-blue cape
I ordered some suzette, I said, “Could you please make that crepe”
Just then the whole kitchen exploded from boilin’ fat
Food was flyin’ everywhere, I left without my hat
Son of Glenner, the black coat guys are pretty strict. A vegan diet would indeed be kosher/parve provided no-one preparing it did anything that wasn’t kosher in the process. As to what that could be, I’m at a loss. My atheist and agnostic parents didn’t provide me with much of a religious education. I got Yiddish language and food, both of which I’m grateful for. I didn’t get forced to learn religion, which I’m also grateful for.
Since postdoggerel posted Dylan …
According to Leonard Cohen, the purpose of a deity is to keep meatballs round and pancakes flat. That’s a better version of religious food rules, I think. ๐
Dylan, Cohen, and Paul Simon must be the real trinity. Dylan is the father, Simon the son and sadly, Cohen is the holy ghost.
M27Holts: I’m not wee, I’m around 1.75 m and 75 kg.
Using a high-powered rifle at 1500 m to take down an Aberdeen-Angus steer would be overkill. They are normally quite docile and the slaughtermen can easily get close enough to them to use the captive bolt stun gun. (Stunning before slaughter is considered non-kosher, also non-halal, by the respective religious authorities, for no reason other than that someone wrote it down)
Perhaps you were thinking of stalking a red deer stag, which is a long-range exercise and requires a high degree of skill to get within range and make a clean kill.
I could kill to eat and obviously using the best technology available would be my best option. I have fired at clay pigeons and with hpr’s at distant targets when i was in the air cadets and also a member of a gun club. But the only living thing I have killed is brown rats, in the storm sewers in the suburbs, with air rifles and you never kill outright you have to deliver the coup-de-grace with a claw hammer…we sort of loved the sci-fi feel of pitch black tunnels, flash lights and bad smells and muck…like being in an alien v predator film…never do it when chance of flash floods tho…
Laripu: That would be MISTER f*(kin Canuck cheesehead to you buddy! BTW, my F150 has a 5.4L V8. Those extra 400ml. of displacement make all the difference. I am going to pretend you didn’t accuse me of drinking Bud.
Son Of Glenner: Sometimes letting them come to you works better. We just got back from our annual late season bowhunt. We typically make our shots from about 20M, but that involves finding their travel routes and waiting in ambush.
Jesus & Mo (the characters) are absurd, blinkered, and oddly very sweet. J&M (the cartoon) is brilliant: sharp, delicious, irresistible. Salman Rushdie
Jesus and Mo cartoons are wonderfully funny and true. Richard Dawkins
Jesus and Mo make the world a better place, bless their little hearts. Ophelia Benson
In a world defined by outrage and offence and liberal spinelessness, Jesus and Mo is a treasure, whose value we should never fail to recognize. Read them. Laugh. And think. Kenan Malik
The brilliant, celebrated, freaking hilarious atheist comic strip ... Greta Christina
...rays of sanity in a befuddled world. Keri Hulme
The liveliest depictions of Muhammad currently available... Malise Ruthven
J & Mo is the funniest and most consistently thought-provoking cartoon strip on the Net. In a saner world, it would run in a major newspaper. Nelson Jones, Heresy Corner
Consistently amusing, frequently thought-provoking and often heart-warming. New Humanist
Jesus & Mo is one of the most wonderful things on the internet.. JT Eberhard
Wittily captures much of the absurdity of religious apologetics. Mano Singham
I love jesusandmo.net cartoons - witty and sharp! Katha Pollitt
Often hilarious, frequently wry, these cartoons do what all the best cartoons do: they tell the truth through humour. Terry Sanderson, NSS President
...a wonderfully acid British cartoonist... Nick Cohen
I love the scrappy mockery of Jesus and Mo. Freedom of speech
includes the freedom to mock any person, any thing, any activity, and
any belief -- and J&M stands up for this unflinchingly Richard Stallman
...empowering, important and deeply progressive, not to mention hilarious... Council of Ex-Muslims
June 8, 2022
Typo in panel 2: abiity
Get well.
Good opening for one-liner Jesus jokes!: โHey Jesusโyou drop that cross one more time and youโre outa the parade!โ
Ahh hahah!
This is a particularily good one!
Another typo in either panel 1 or 2, depending on whether you use USA spelling or UK (ie correct!) spelling.
Better watch out SOG or one of those septic tanks is going to boot you up the fanny or maybe insert a fawcet up your ass….and best stay on the sidewalk in case a redneck in a chevvy runs you down coz you is on the wrong side of the interstate toll…
M27Holts: Thank you kindly. I shall also steer clear of US High Schools, in case I get caught in the crossfire, especially in the Bible Belt.
Insulting nations with rhyming slang does not constitute a transgression of the Author’s ban of “comments of a racist, sexist or homophobic nature”.
So I can only respond in kind to the flabby tits that refer to Americans as septic tanks. And would you refer to Canucks as slimy f*cks? (In which case, as a dual citizen of both countries, I can feign offense twice. ๐ )
What’s good for the goose isn’t always good for the gander.
Thanks for the typo spot, Rrr. Fixed now.
Son of Glenner, I generally use Brit spellings but I’m not a stickler. I actually prefer ‘humorless’ because it is consistent with its opposite, ‘humorous’ (even Brits don’t write ‘humourous’)
David: Does that imply gander-critical? ๐
Sauce-spicious.
Laripu. I object to flabby tits…ss my pecs are very firm and musculat (if very hairy) you could refer to me as a “banjo klaxon” or “scabby skank” or what my wife uses when I transgress the unwritten law….knob-head….peace.
Rrr – I strive to be gander-neutral in my comments, but the spelling issue is a bitch.
I see that the home town of M27Holts has just been declared most generous city in UK.
Some mistake?
M27Holts, “scabby skank” works, but given the etymology of Manchester, “flabby tit” actually works in a second way. See
https://www.etymonline.com/word/Manchester#etymonline_v_6773
In any case, your embrace of rhyming slang, a cultural artifact from the East End of London, makes me skeptical (septical? ๐ ) about the merely regional pretension embodied in scabby skank. You’ve clearly absorbed other national influences. You’re both scabby and flabby.
I’m afraid I don’t know enough about the UK to understand banjo klaxon. I have a feeling I’ll be educated about that.
M27Holts, one more thing, in the interest of mutual cultural understanding:
No self respecting redneck world drive a Chevy. They’d be in a Ford F-150, a big f-in’ truck. And not the hybrid version, but the 5.0 L V8, the better to spew fumes with, as they pull their boat to wherever it is they’re fixin’ to go fishin’. The boat will be stocked with Budweiser, I expect, or worse, Bud Light.
There’s lots of boat-towin’ porn here: https://www.f150forum.com/f82/boat-towing-thread-401051/
Laripu, M27:
If I may hazard a wild guess, banjo klaxon would be rhyming for anglo-saxon?
Signed, A Turnip
Ok, I was bit thick to not get banjo klaxon / Anglo Saxon.
I like using rhyming slang…Jockey’s (whips) … chips, french fries for you septics….Nuclear (sub)…pub…Battle(cruiser)…boozer. Trappist (monks)….trunks…also cultural collective nown…Doris…equivalent to aussie…Sheilah…
I would like to point out that a (large?) fraction of J+M followers are non-native anglophones.
I know in Dutch there exists street-language (which changes completely in 10-15 years); there exist many dialectic constructs & concepts that are absolutely NOT common to ABN (Algemeen Bescaafd Nederlands aka standard Dutch); even lots of words or expressions restricted to a family or small group of families.
But apart from some specialised language specialists they generate little interest.
In my view, such discussions about English side paths are of VERY little interest to the non-anglophones.
And that while I have quite some interest in language(s), their interrelations, and quirks
Dr John, like, whatever. Totally. As if, oh my god, so fer shur.
Well Dr John, historically it’s partly your country’s fault because English is Frisian that was mugged by Danish and raped by French. Then Yiddish and Hindi peed on it. And Welsh – well that’s just unspeakable.
Alternately, in the words of James Nicoll:
“The problem with defending the purity of the English language is that English is about as pure as a cribhouse whore. We donโt just borrow words; on occasion, English has pursued other languages down alleyways to beat them unconscious and rifle their pockets for new vocabulary.”
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/James_Nicoll#%22The_Purity_of_the_English_Language%22
And the English themselves deserve some historical blame. Had they not expanded to an empire they might still own their own tongue. As it is, the variants have reasonable claims to dominance. According to Wikipedia, fifty-nine countries have English as an official language.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_countries_and_territories_where_English_is_an_official_language
There’s plenty of blame to go around it seems. The richness of the language was created by its admixtures, for centuries.
apothegms and non sequiturs
vied for supremacy in his colloquy
but NBH’s teleology
gave lie to his theology
and in the end
was but verbal pathology
WORD MEANINGS?
Religion makes my head spin:
It’s so messy and complicated,” said Aymann Ismail, who wrote about his difficult dilemma as a faithful Muslim surrounding plant-based pork.
“I spent my whole life avoiding pork, and now I kind of have… I’m putting in air quotes… an acceptable pork product that I can eat,” he told Mary Hynes on CBC Radio’s Tapestry. “How does that change my relationship to pork?”
Jesus F
Has it died horribly? Then you may be forgiven to eat it.
/s
See. Why avoid pork, I had a fuckoff hog roast sandwich with lashings of stuffing and apple sauce…and it was fit for Jenova…
I grew up in a Jewish household, where my father was atheist and my mother almost agnostic, but they did some traditional religious things out of a sense of group cohesion. In effect that meant: never any prayer, but adhering to kosher rules within the home.
So there was a time in which I was first exposed to non-kosher food. The first time I saw anything non-kosher was when my brother had friends over up play bridge and one brought a pizza. There was pork in the pepperoni; but also simultaneous consumption of dairy (i.e. cheese) and meat is forbidden. At that time I didn’t have any, but about a year later I had a slice of pizza myself, bought for me by a school chum. Also a hot dog wrapped in bacon, bought by the same family, at a later date.
A year after that, my brother took me to a Chinese restaurant, where squid was eaten, and other odd things I didn’t recognize. I’ve loved Chinese food ever since.
Years later, when I was old enough to take my parents out for a restaurant meal, I found that my father liked crab and my mother liked shrimp. Once they even ate pork ribs… just once.
For ultra-religious Jews who become secular, often bacon is the biggest draw. A hurdle they’re both fearful of and also expect to be outrageously good. Often they’re disappointed.
For me, coming from a secular family, bacon was never a huge draw. I eat it only two or three times a year. It’s particularly good in mofongo, a Dominican meal of pulverized plantain, as a substitute for pork skin.
As to pork in general, I find that the flavor really depends on what the pigs were fed. Cheap pork has an unpleasant flavor to me, that I call “porky”. But braised pork shanks from properly raised swine are fantastic. There was a brew pub in Tel Aviv in 2004 (now closed) that did perfect German beer and pork shanks, among other things. I agree there twice, on a business trip, and had it both times. I liked to joke that “no-one makes pork shank like the Jews!”
I also like smoking pork chops, which my wife calls Kassler Ripchen, like this: https://kitchenproject.com/german/recipes/Pork/Kasseler-Ripchen/index.htm
I grew up in a Jewish household, where my father was atheist and my mother almost agnostic, but they did some traditional religious things out of a sense of group cohesion. In effect that meant: never any prayer, but adhering to kosher rules within the home.
So there was a time in which I was first exposed to non-kosher food. The first time I saw anything non-kosher was when my brother had friends over up play bridge and one brought a pizza. There was pork in the pepperoni; but also simultaneous consumption of dairy (i.e. cheese) and meat is forbidden. At that time I didn’t have any, but about a year later I had a slice of pizza myself, bought for me by a school chum. Also a hot dog wrapped in bacon, bought by the same family, at a later date.
A year after that, my brother took me to a Chinese restaurant, where squid was eaten, and other odd things I didn’t recognize. I’ve loved Chinese food ever since.
Years later, when I was old enough to take my parents out for a restaurant meal, I found that my father liked crab and my mother liked shrimp. Once they even ate pork ribs… just once.
For ultra-religious Jews who become secular, often bacon is the biggest draw. A hurdle they’re both fearful of and also expect to be outrageously good. Often they’re disappointed.
For me, coming from a secular family, bacon was never a huge draw. I eat it only two or three times a year. It’s particularly good in mofongo, a Dominican meal of pulverized plantain, as a substitute for pork skin.
As to pork in general, I find that the flavor really depends on what the pigs were fed. Cheap pork has an unpleasant flavor to me, that I call “porky”. But braised pork shanks from properly raised swine are fantastic. There was a brew pub in Tel Aviv in 2004 (now closed) that did perfect German beer and pork shanks, among other things. I agree there twice, on a business trip, and had it both times. I liked to joke that “no-one makes pork shank like the Jews!”
I also like smoking pork chops, which my wife calls Kassler Ripchen, like this: https://kitchenproject.com/german/recipes/Pork/Kasseler-Ripchen/index.htm
I find the ludicrous rule obeying without a good reason very disturbing. Why not eat pork or shellfish? Luckily I was brought up mostly by my grandparents who were not religious until my nan got god as a sort of fad thing when she was 70, then it made no difference on the food I was cooked…even meat pie on a friday , which is forbidden in some xtian households…
Legend has it that Moshe had mishlaid hish falsh teeth when he dictated: Thou shalt not shelfish.
But that legend shurely aint koser?
I remain convinced that bacon, or at the very least the smell of bacon being cooked next door, is responsible for the success of christianity.
The truly religious must eschew France’s bacon.
Real French Fries cook in duck fat. It’s e’chewey, eh. (But actually more Belgian.)
“Some books are to be tasted; others swallowed; and some few to be chewed and digested.” – Francis Bacon, “father” of the scientific method
Mofongo! We had a few on a visit to Puerto Rico, along with various other interesting uses of different plantains. From my point of view it’s unfortunate that it involves pork fat, but not out of any religious proscription, I just don’t eat livestock. No problem missing bacon, etc., but occasionally exceptions are made for duck.
Why the religious proscription? I think we’re pretty sure it wasn’t because some folk wisdom about trichinosis got adopted into the bible. The theory I like is that the chosen people were nomadic herders, and it would be bad news if they started acquiring a taste for bacon.
Donn: “…don’t eat livestock.”
As an incorrigible pedant, and a vegan myself, should not the foodstuff you avoid be called “deadstock” rather than “livestock”? Of course some people do eat still-alive oysters, but most food animals are killed before being eaten, perhaps killed in the cooking process, eg lobsters and hedgehogs.
Before M27Holts has the chance to comment, I’ll beat him to it – perhaps I am just splitting hares.
Vegan eh? Why pick on vegetables ? And anyway what about all the arthropods you have probably eaten you savage… I am having a massive steak for my tea tonight…cooked blue….Tis my right as the apex preditor on planet earth…oh and some nice chips as well….
M27Holts: I’ve heard them all before – could you only think of six? You missed quite a few others. But I’m not going to tell you any of the ones you missed – why should I make it easy for you?
Careful swallowing that massive blue steak – you wouldn’t want to choke on it, would you?
It will melt in my mouth as I feel the blood coat my tonsils with all that iron goodness…wishful thinking…your more likely to choke on a pickled onion….haha
Aye, of the ten foods that people choke on, 9 of them are not meat…so its far more likely a vegan will choke to death than a carnivore…
Bet thats a new one for you…
Donn, the original reason for the religious proscription on various foods is lost to time. Maybe there was originally a health reason. No-one really knows. All I know is that if you want to stuff casings and make sausage (and I do, occasionally), nothing beats pork casings. Lamb intestines are usable, but very narrow and fragile (but true hot-spicy Merguez is fantastic). Cow intestines are too huge and inedible.
To me there’s one command that’s just hilarious: that you can’t eat dairy and meat together. That stems from Exodus 23:19 that prohibits boiling a kid goat in it’s mother’s milk. The rabbis got hold of that one and wrung it six ways from Sunday… and it became “don’t eat any dairy, even cheese, with any flesh”. So you can’t have cheese on a chicken sandwich.
But it’s ok to eat eggs with chicken. Or dairy with eggs. Because eggs are neutral. (Technical Hebrew word is “parve”, final e pronounced. Sometimes transliterated as “pareve”.) Eggs, which are precursors to flesh, are neutral. ๐
Anyway, I find that all that very funny. Cheese and pepperoni belong on pizza. (Sometimes chicken, ham, and pineapple too, but that’s another story.)
Note that the ultra-Orthodox Jews have no concept of hell. If you do these things that are proscribed, there isn’t punishment. Their motivation goes the other way: they say that if all Jews keep all the various rules faithfully, they improve the world and hasten the coming of the messiah. They believe it’s ok for non-Jews to eat these things because they have different responsibilities. Convenient.
You see, apparently the messiah must really care about food choices. ๐
As Laripu can no doubt confirm, a 100% vegan diet is always kosher/parve. You can even get vegan pizza and there are many branded vegan imitation meats. (I’m not that keen on vegan “meats” myself.)
You can even get vegan “steaks” that would fool M27Holts. (Maybe not too difficult?)
I wonder if boiling a kid in its mother’s milk was really a thing anyway, literally speaking. Boiling milk makes a hell of a cleanup mess, and I see no obvious reason for it … but in any case, the only thing I’d normally boil is beans. Though as I mentioned not a consumer of livestock, I will eat fish or the occasional squirrel, and for me, boiling any of that or any sort of vegetable is guaranteed to make it less tasty.
So I could imagine the shrugs. Mustn’t boil the kid in its mother’s milk? OK, if you insist. That must be why the rabbis decided it wasn’t just literally about that ridiculous proposition.
SOG. You cheeky wee scots thing…I would tell a soya syeak from a 100% Aberdeen Angus steak (like that which is being slowly digested as I type) through the sights of a high powered rifle at 1500m….
I went into a restaurant lookin’ for the cook
I told them I was the editor of a famous etiquette book
The waitress, he was handsome, he wore a powder-blue cape
I ordered some suzette, I said, “Could you please make that crepe”
Just then the whole kitchen exploded from boilin’ fat
Food was flyin’ everywhere, I left without my hat
Son of Glenner, the black coat guys are pretty strict. A vegan diet would indeed be kosher/parve provided no-one preparing it did anything that wasn’t kosher in the process. As to what that could be, I’m at a loss. My atheist and agnostic parents didn’t provide me with much of a religious education. I got Yiddish language and food, both of which I’m grateful for. I didn’t get forced to learn religion, which I’m also grateful for.
Since postdoggerel posted Dylan …
According to Leonard Cohen, the purpose of a deity is to keep meatballs round and pancakes flat. That’s a better version of religious food rules, I think. ๐
Dylan, Cohen, and Paul Simon must be the real trinity. Dylan is the father, Simon the son and sadly, Cohen is the holy ghost.
M27Holts: I’m not wee, I’m around 1.75 m and 75 kg.
Using a high-powered rifle at 1500 m to take down an Aberdeen-Angus steer would be overkill. They are normally quite docile and the slaughtermen can easily get close enough to them to use the captive bolt stun gun. (Stunning before slaughter is considered non-kosher, also non-halal, by the respective religious authorities, for no reason other than that someone wrote it down)
Perhaps you were thinking of stalking a red deer stag, which is a long-range exercise and requires a high degree of skill to get within range and make a clean kill.
I could kill to eat and obviously using the best technology available would be my best option. I have fired at clay pigeons and with hpr’s at distant targets when i was in the air cadets and also a member of a gun club. But the only living thing I have killed is brown rats, in the storm sewers in the suburbs, with air rifles and you never kill outright you have to deliver the coup-de-grace with a claw hammer…we sort of loved the sci-fi feel of pitch black tunnels, flash lights and bad smells and muck…like being in an alien v predator film…never do it when chance of flash floods tho…
Laripu: That would be MISTER f*(kin Canuck cheesehead to you buddy! BTW, my F150 has a 5.4L V8. Those extra 400ml. of displacement make all the difference. I am going to pretend you didn’t accuse me of drinking Bud.
Son Of Glenner: Sometimes letting them come to you works better. We just got back from our annual late season bowhunt. We typically make our shots from about 20M, but that involves finding their travel routes and waiting in ambush.