sold2
July 13th, 2011
An old strip today, retelling an even older joke. New material next week, inshallah.
Latest book…
Random oldie…
May 13, 2020-
- NICE T-SHIRT (Thank you for not provoking my uncontrollable lust). Currently unavailable.
Thanks, now I have “Moonshadow” stuck in my head.
“O Caritas” for me. The old ones lose nohing in the re-telling, Author! Sprayed my Red Cross coffee all over the waiting-room floor. Best place for it.
And then Allah said, “I already sent you a helicopter!”
Did I get that right?
I hate “Moonshadow”– had a girlfriend back in the day that tortured me with that song.
Hippies
Excellent 🙂
Oh the memories! Singing “Morning Has Broken” at least twice a week in morning assembly at school.
Even the 6 year-old me could see something ironic about the line “Blackbird has spoken like the first bird…” when, in the coal-fired inner city where I lived, we were woken to the sound of the birds coughing up their lungs into their nests among the chimney stacks.
This was of course before he became Yusaf Islam.
Father and Son — wonder if he’d change the lyrics now ? ‘……..take your time,think a lot……..’ actually don’t think a all – just blindly follow what it says in this fab holy book I found.
Thanks a heap almost forgotten about Mr Creepy Yusuf Islam!
Noise of a previous century bard?
“Like dooode, to listen is hard”
Is there nothing new
In the musical zoo?
But quacks from an ancient canard.
Surely this is worth considering as joke material source. http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-14135523 I’m impressed by Niko Alm; good on you!!
@Rafael: Brilliant. Truly brilliant!
@ Rafael – excellent link to Niko (Pasta Be Upon him).
easier to accept a gift when there’s no expectation in return
I can’t tell if Mo’s hypocrisy is deep or shallow
@Nassar:
Your best one so far my friend. The first two lines need a little jig but otherwise….NICE!
Mashallah. jazak allah khairan
@ HaggisForBrains
Indeed, and may the sauce be with him.
definitely getting better @nassar … enjoyed that one.
@rafael … I never knew the pastafarians had an Austrian chapter… I myself belong to the slightly less orthodox unreformed church of pastafarianism, which only requires colanders to be worn on certain connubial occasions
@ Beechnut & spoing – R’amen to that!
I’m sorry about this but I must (and when I say ‘must’, that’s exactly what I mean; I flicked through the Daily Mail in a waiting room this morning and I’ve got to lose the hate somehow) register an objection to the incessant trolling that has crept into this thread. It wouldn’t be so bad if there was a gluten-free variant for those with allergies but oh no, you elitist pastafarian fundamentalists sneak on here to wave your noodley, durum wheat-based beliefs in our faces and expect us to just swallow it and never mind the anaphylactic shock.
Well, I’ve got news for you; You’re wrong!
Your precious FSM is no more than the Old Testament Soup Dragon (minestrone, of course) all tarted up for the pasta-and-palm-pad generation to ‘ooh’ and ‘aah’ over. I was worshipping the almighty, moon-based, liquid-dieted reptillian thrice weekly (4:30pm, BBC1, mon, wed, fri) long before you lot were struggling to spell ‘fart’ with your alphabetti spaghetti, so don’t think you can come on here with your modern interpretation and expect a fair hearing.
Look upon the truth and tremble….
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wfsMZKwqw3w
Back to J&M; I’ve long thought that the reason so many pray in silence (apart from during communal prayers, oh, and the shouty religions, of course) is so that when their plea’s aren’t answered then never mind, nobody knows what they wanted anyway, and they can just point to something good that happened and claim they prayed for that all along.
Either that or it’s like the ‘make a wish’ superstition; if anybody else knows what you wished for, it won’t come true.
Religion eh! It all boils down to superstition and lies in the end.
Acolyte,
Good a rant though that was against the Pastafarians, you do know Minestrone has got pasta in? So He (the monster) is only showing His (monstrously brilliant) omnipresence in all forms of pasta.
And He could also take the form of corn pasta, hey presto, inclusive religion for all! Apart from fruitarians, and really, they might just be going to tomatoey hell.
Peter, the Soup Dragon (condiments be on him) was NOT composed of soup, He merely consumed vast quantities of it, thereby removing the glutenous threat from the populace. And does the FSM scripture SPECIFICALLY mention corn pasta? I think not; you’re making it up as you go along, just like all the other ‘modern’ religious interpretations of the original Truth!
I left the Pastafarian religion when they denied being a parody and claimed to be real. My fear is that in fifty years they will be. The dogma of FSM is no more absurd than, say, magic seer stones in a hat. Give it time and it will be one more reason why people are killing each other. Already we see fragmentation into contentious sects. When Sihks a killing each other over the issue of whether or not to allow chairs in their temple, a parody gone mad is not to be ruled out. Poe’s law is more powerful than pasta.
Praying to a jug of milk is just as effective as praying to any deity:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jk6ILZAaAMI
@ Darwin Harmless
I suppose you know what the penalty for apostates is? Too awful for me to express here, of course.
Also, pasta isn’t that good for people with weight problems, I have been eating it for most of my life and I have had overweight for the last 8 years. So I wonder how Pastafarians would explain the effects that the “body” of their god had on me…
Maybe he is not a good god at all? Or maybe he considers the lack of exercise to be a sin which deserves punishment? Because, yeah, I don’t use to do physical exercise.
“I suppose you know what the penalty for apostates is?”
Yes John, you lose your meatballs!
@Darwin Harmless. I’ve often though the same regarding future religions based on today’s sci-fi for example. I can imagine someone like Asimov being revered if a copy of the ‘Foundation’ trilogy is discovered in 500yrs time; it could easily be misinterpreted as a ‘genuine’ work of prophecy (pretty much like the O.T. really).
There is a guy on RD.net who calls himself ‘Universeman’. If you want a real-time demonstration of how new, wacky religions can spring up from nowhere, PLEASE take a look at some of his posts here- http://richarddawkins.net/articles/641942-francis-collins-atheist-richard-dawkins-admits-universe-s-fine-tuning-difficult-to-explain
He’s taken Mormonism, Asimov, Clarke, L.Ron Hubbard and a whole lot more and woven it into something altogether…………fucked up! He starts at comment #171 (you won’t need to read the OP if you don’t want to as what Universeman has to say bears no relation to the subject of fine tuning), and it just gets better and better as he gets into his stride.
I can’t decide whether he’s making it up as he goes along (like the FSM/corn pasta above) or if he actually believes what he says, but either way he’s a scary prospect. It’s quite impressive how he doesn’t let the expected responses ruffle his feathers at all (look out for those to him from ‘Saganic Rites though’; he’s the genius who hilariously rumbles Universeman and calls him out on his plans), there are non of the usual trollish hissy fits and remains so polite and really annoyingly nice, like all the Osmonds (inc. Marie) melded into one. This one, my friends, is a whole new breed of troll altogether. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!
@Guzio,
Ah, you see, your weight problem is a punishment from TGFSM for not participating in sufficient piracy. A solid diet of weavel-infested hard tack and rum on the high seas for a month, plus wholesome exercise in the form of loading cannon, climbing the rigging and the occasional boarding action will set you straight in no time.
Yeah, I’ve done that, back in the day when I was a believer. Then came the day that I promised God that if he existed, he needn’t worry, because I had found I could pretty much deal with anything, and I wouldn’t be bothering him again unless aliens invaded the earth. Said my goodbyes, wished him luck.
Peter the Soup Dragon…
isn’t there a song?
lalala frolicked in the spicy sauce…
Rick Wakeman claims that Cat/Yusuf still hasn’t paid him for that nice piano solo on “morning has broken”.
sounds more like a religious joke than a skeptical one 😛
@kiyaroru; you’re confusing your fire-breathing beasts, it wasn’t Pete (he was a soppy cartoon kid who befriended an even soppier dragon), it was…
‘Puff the magic dragon
Lived by the sea,
And he wallowed in the autumn mist
In a land called Gallilee.
There is no use in fleeing him
‘Cos he can fly much faster,
I don’t think he could do this
If he was only made of pasta.
(Okay, I made that last verse up; I still cannot bear the bastardisation of the almighty Soupy).
It was once thought that ‘Puff the magic Dragon’ was a reference to the evil weed, but then they (the Daily Mail / Westboro baptist types) also thought that ‘Lucy in the sky’ was an LSD reference.
As a film location sound recordist, I can tell you that if I had a dime for every actor who thought that they were being clever and were the first to sing “I’m being followed by a boom-shadow…..” into the microphone between takes, I wouldn’t be sitting here and typing this. No, I’d be spending that money on my legal defense fund to avoid going to prison for attempting to choke the life out of these overpaid morons.
@Acolyte of Sagan, Prayers made in silence or those spoken aloud are always answered, but as often as not, the answer is no.
Acolyte
I recommend Will Self’s Book Of Dave, in which the ravings of an unhinged London cabby become the basis of Britain’s dominant religion, 500 years later.
@Acolyte of Sagan Yes, Universeman takes trolling to a whole new level.
@Darwin Harmless. Absolutely the most imaginative and entertaining trolling that I’ve ever seen! He’s clearly thought it through, he’s not only coherent but articulate with it and I really wouldn’t be surprised if he did try to form his own breakaway sect. Maybe one day his name will be mentioned in the same breath as John Wesley and Joseph (Hat-Face) Smith, or if not, then Jimmy Jones and David Koresh.
Acolyte of Sagan.
The lyrics are, and I found them on the web so they must be right.
And frolicked in the autumn mist in a land called Honah Lee,
Theres this guy who gets stuck down a cliffface. He prayes to Yaweh to get him out. This bloke comes along and offers to pull him up. “no ta mate, Im waiting for yaweh” he says. Then a Hot airballoon floats past..Rinse and repeat, Then a Helicopter. Same score, because these things are done in 3’s.
The Guys there all day and he falls and dies. His dying brain coungours an Idea of heaven where he meets Yaweh looking just like he should. “Hoy! Yaweh. I prayed to you all day. Why did you let me fall?”
“Well my son. I slaughtered babies, ripped infants up with bears, killed people who picked up sticks, murdered 70000 people who took part in a census and made people eat dung….you REALLY think I’m the kinda god who’s not going to laugh at you falling!”
Not to be a pedant, or anything (perish the thought!) but is universeman strickly a troll, as such? He seems the real deal, rather than someone attempting to disprupt through faux naievete or intentional provocation. Donath (1999) claims that identity deception is key to trolling.
On the other hand universeman is clealy barking mad and pointless to engage with–unless you have a special scientific interest in how brains go wrong. Like the man said–never try to teach a pig to sing….
@Jobrag. Yup, that’s the one. In my defence I was only about 8 when I last heard it, and that was oh so many moons ago!
One point of order though. You said “and I found them on the web so they must be right”. I remember Lenny Henry (British comedian) saying how he looked himself up on Wiki; almost every detail, from date and place of birth, childhood home, parents and siblings names, even his own middle name, were wrong.
@sweetpityfulmercy. The last time I heard that joke the punchline was
“Why did you let me fall”?
And God said, “I sent you a man, a balloonist, I even sent you a fucking chopper….”
@Daoloth. Whatever you’d call him, he’s certainly got a ‘Messiah’ complex. Make a good case study for a psychology/psychiatry student though.
@Acolyte of Sagan
I’d get your irony meter checked out I think that it’s broken.
Why, what did I miss? If you mean the ‘must be true’ bit, If so, I did get it, I just decided to continue the irony and invent a new internet ‘fact’ to add to the rest. Ironically, you didn’t get it.
But that’s the damn trouble with interweb forums, if you don’t act like a five year old and draw smileys everywhere, especially if your humour’s dry, deep, or just plain off the wall, people think you’re being serious, which is in itself ironic as a lot of my real-life friends, used to my humour though they are, still often think I’m joking when I’m being serious.
@ Acolyte – I remember the original punchline to sweetpityfulmercy’s joke too. I assumed this was a post-modern reworking for ironic effect 🙂 (that’s an ironic smiley).
Now I really don’t get postmodernism; it’s just an excuse for pseudo-intellectuals to demonstrate their ability to discourse at length employing excessive use of wildly obscure, mostly superfluous words whilst, ironically, managing to say absolutely nothing at all.
Touché!
You guys.
@Acolyte. Check out the Dictionary of Fashionable Nonsense–by our very own Ophelia Benson. She will explain post-modernism for you.
hehe and then Allah said: Barmaid have some tickets for you boys. 🙂
Daoloth, I’m quite a fan of ‘Butterflies and Wheels’. I think that the expression ‘Fashionable Nonsense’ perfectly sums up postmodernism without having to go into detail; the definition was written, I like to think, for the benefit of the post-mods because they just cannot understand brevity.
Aprop of nothing, a joke:
Boy: “Mummy, when will I get my other willy”?
Mum: “Whatever makes you think you get another one”?
Boy: Daddy’s got two, I’ve seen them”.
Mum: “What are you talking about, you silly boy”?
Boy: “Well, he’s got a skinny, floppy one that he wees with”.
Mum: Yes, but that’s the only one he’s got”.
Boy: “No it isn’t, Mummy, he’s also got a thick, hard one that he cleans the au-pairs teeth with”!
Thank you, I’m here all week!
“Mummy, Mummy, the au pair’s dying and going to heaven.”
“What? How do you know?”
“She’s up-stairs with Daddy saying ‘oh, god, oh, god, I’m coming …'”